Tim Key is an English actor, writer, and performance poet
25 April 2015 12:00 AM
Our columnist is moving on to pastures new - but he's going out in a blaze of glory
18 April 2015 12:00 AM
I'm running out of things to write about in this column. I've been knocking it out for two years now and I'm starting to notice that the good ideas, the real zingers, are becoming harder and harder to come by.
11 April 2015 12:00 AM
I went for a curry last week as part of a party of 35. That is: 35. Thirty-five. Doesn't even look right when I write it down. As in 35. As in a lot of people. I was part of a party of 35 and, weirdly, it wasn't a complete disaster.
04 April 2015 12:00 AM
This afternoon I spotted a man I wanted to avoid and hid behind some foliage I was carrying. Now I'm home, and the foliage is looking resplendent in my flat. I've fed it and spoken to it, and now I'm going to write 700 words about it.
28 March 2015 12:00 AM
Today, for the first time in my life, I ate my dinner in the bath.
21 March 2015 12:00 AM
Last night I had a pretty big row with my friend after he defaced some food I'd ordered in good faith from a pizza establishment in north-west London.
14 March 2015 12:00 AM
Never meet your heroes. That's what they say. That's what you're warned. Well, I did this week. I clattered right into one and the results were devastating.
07 March 2015 12:00 AM
I've just had a grim time on the London Underground. I'm still shaking.
28 February 2015 12:00 AM
I love the radio. Always have. Just take a look around my flat. I'd love you to show me a room where there isn't a radio. I'd love you to do that. My worry is you might be slightly up against it. Kitchen: radio. Lounge: radio. Bedroom: two radios. I could go on. Bathroom: radio. Study: radio. Have I left any rooms out? Don't think so. Have I left any radios out? A couple.
21 February 2015 12:00 AM
I'm sat on a sofa in a juice bar. I'm sat next to a girl with long, radish-red hair and we're both typing away. God knows what she's typing – she keeps angling her laptop screen away from me. For my part, I am typing a column about personal space. My theme came to mind for a couple of reasons: firstly, she has muttered the phrase approximately four times since I've joined her on the sofa. And secondly, in related news, because I am paranoid that I might have invaded hers.
General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
The sickening truth about food banks that the Tories don't want you to know
Aaron and Melissa Klein: Oregon anti-gay bakers ordered to pay $135,000 after refusing to make cake for same-sex wedding
EU exit would hit UK economy much harder than neighbouring countries, study finds
Andrew Lloyd Webber: Phantom of the Opera writer mocked after issuing a warning about Ed Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon
General election 2015: Labour will toughen hate crimes legislation surrounding Islamophobia
- 1 Avengers: Age of Ultron: Nearly 700 German cinemas refuse to show movie
- 2 Donald Trump decides that Baltimore riots are Barack Obama's fault
- 3 X Factor in crisis as numbers of people auditioning plummets
- 4 General Election 2015: Stephen Hawking says he will vote Labour
- 5 Baltimore riots: Furious mother marches her son home live on TV