Friday 07 October 1994
RTFM before the revolution
I HAD, I thought with triumph, just joined the multi- media revolution. I had successfully inserted a sound- card into the bowels of my machine and carefully plugged into it a CD-rom drive and external loudspeakers. But the first CD did not work. My computer monitor had 'too few colours on its palette', writes Tom Wilkie.
Within Windows, a little box called 'Set-up' allows you to change from 16 colours to 256. But when I dutifully clicked on the appropriate icons, disaster ensued. My screen dissolved into lurid vertical stripes, fixed and immovable. There was no way to get out of Windows, because I could not see what was written on the screen nor where the mouse arrow was. And unfortunately, my machine is configured to load Windows automatically on rebooting. Wallpaper again.
Four hours later, after I had completely reloaded MS-Dos and Windows twice, I regained control. Clearly, the hardware inside my Dell computer was not powerful enough, so I resolved to borrow a video card from a colleague. Then I came upon a scrappy piece of paper supplied by Dell when I first bought the machine.
Despite its title of 'Software Support Utilities Documentation Update', it actually tells you how to get a better picture, without having to alter the hardware. Tucked away as a footnote were the fatal words 'You cannot run the Setup program that appears within Windows' to do this.
When I eagerly informed my spouse that this explained (and exculpated) my earlier wallpapering disaster, she was terse: 'RTFM, Thomas'.
It is a moral for us all: 'Read The F***ing Manual.'
Disgruntled RBS worker writes hilarious open letter to Russell Brand after anti-capitalist publicity stunt leaves him hungry
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
Nigel Farage's approval rating hits 'record low' as popularity suffers in wake of Ukip sex scandal
Pakistan school attack live: Taliban kill at least 132 children in 'horrifying' massacre
Sony hack: Angelina Jolie branded 'seriously out of her mind' in further embarrassing leaked email saga
Panic Saturday: 13 million Britons spend £1.2bn – while 13 million others across the country live in poverty unable to afford food
- 1 Nigel Farage: Me vs Russell Brand on Question Time – he's got the chest hair but where are his ideas?
- 2 Harry Potter fans can apply to the Hogwarts-inspired College of Wizardry
- 3 Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
- 4 Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
- 5 Orange Wednesdays are no more