Early success would have made me even more insufferable than I am. A few years of living on toast and working as an usher and the world's puniest truck driver sanded a few edges off.
We're not all as liberal as we would like to think. Fat Pig, the Neil LaBute play I'm rehearsing, concerns our anxieties about difference. We all like to think it wouldn't matter if we fell in love with someone who was a bit different – in this case a different size – but LaBute gets under the skin of that assumption; maybe love isn't enough.
My wife [actress Abigail Burdess] is incredibly beautiful but that isn't why I married her. It's not even really the reason I fancy her. I fancy her because if I stand too close to her I go a bit dizzy.
I was a swaggering atheist until my mother died, when I started to pray. It was a denial of her absence – a way of communicating with her. As I began to co-exist with the loss, my faith left me; it outlived its usefulness. Lately, with the help of Dawkins, Hitchens et al, I've returned to total non-belief. I don't know how long it'll last, but God, it's good to be back!
I'm not a sell-out. When David [Mitchell] and I did the ads for Apple, we were accused of selling out. The problem is that that presupposes a set of principles we don't actually hold. We never said comedians shouldn't do ads, or that we somehow operate outside the mixed market economy. If it makes people feel better to think of us as starving writers in a garret, that's great, but really we're just doing a job.
Matt Lucas is a genius. David Walliams is marvellous too, but you're allowed to have favourites.
'Fat Pig' is in preview from Friday, Trafalgar Studios, London SW1, 0871 297 5461, www.theambassadors.com/trafalgarstudios. 'Peep Show' is on Fridays on Channel 4 at 10.30pmReuse content