Culture: Why British sports stars were born to lose

Grand Slam, a hilarious new play, taps into the fantasy all British sport lovers indulge in at this time of year – namely, that a home-grown player could win Wimbledon. In the play, a 29-year-old no-hoper qualifies for the tournament on a wild card and battles to the semi-finals. I won't disclose what happens next, but tennis fans are unlikely to be disappointed.

Will these wish fulfilments soon be a staple of British popular entertainment? Four years ago, a film called Wimbledon imagined another British outsider reaching the final stages of the championship and last year Simon Pegg did unexpectedly well in the London Marathon in Run, Fatboy Run. Can a film in which the England football team finally qualifies for a tournament be far behind? David Beckham, playing himself, would end up scoring the last-minute goal that takes us into the final. It would culminate in a penalty shoot-out with the Germans – only this time we'd win.

The depressing thing is that such a scenario would strike a chord only because the chances of it actually happening are so remote. A story in which one of our own wins an international sports competition is an escapist fantasy on a par with Star Wars. Indeed, our expectations are so low that a Brit has to make it only to the second week of Wimbledon in order to spark an orgy of celebrations. At the time of writing, the nation is engulfed in Murray fever, even though he has only progressed to the quarter-finals. Will Andy eclipse Tim Henman in the public affection if he goes on to win a Grand Slam? I suspect not.

There is something quintessentially British about losing over and over again. It is not the humiliation we enjoy, but the opportunity to show our spirits won't be crushed. The sportsmen we like best are those who keep on having a go, no matter the odds. In the cinema, our national hero is Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, who is determined to keep on fighting even when he's lost both arms and legs.

In our bones, we always knew that Henman would never win Wimbledon, and we loved him because he kept going in spite of that. Murray, by contrast, has always looked like a potential winner, and, consequently, is less sympathetic. For us Brits, a sportsman who battles away because he has a genuine chance will always be less appealing than one who refuses to give up despite having no chance whatsoever.

Grand Slam is at King's Head Theatre, 115 Upper Street, London N1 (0844 412 2953) until 26 July