The joint isn't jumping any more

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Can you smoke cannabis in Amsterdam or not? Since the 1970s, many "coffee shops" have been granted a licence to sell up to 5g for smoking on the premises (but not, quaintly, if it's smoked with tobacco, because that's banned). Some weeks ago, the government ruled that, as of next year, tourists won't be allowed to indulge in coffee shops or anywhere else. But they've now decided to remove the "No-Cannabis Zone" notices that went up in the Dutch capital four years ago – on the grounds that cannabis is already illegal. Not that it matters, because many of the notices have been stolen. Apparently they're perfect for rolling joints on.

V iewers of the Happy League television dating show watched with interest as a 39-year-old unmarried Chinese music teacher called Liu Hao did a little song-and-dance routine, beating seven competitors and winning a date with a lady contestant. But one viewer wasn't rooting for him. He recognised the winner as the alarming Wu Gang, who's been wanted for 13 years for stabbing a man to death outside a restaurant. He is now in police custody – probably regretting he put so much giveaway passion into his rendition of "Delilah".

T he first human prey has advertised his services. Unemployed redneck Mork Encino, from Utah, is offering himself to "hearty gents who fancy themselves sportsmen and are tired of the usual game". He declares himself willing to be hunted and trapped (though not necessarily killed) for $10,000, or twice that sum if he's naked. British huntsmen still chafing at New Labour's hunting ban can find him on "Candy asses" need not apply, apparently.

A heart-warming story from beyond time and space. In Little Axe, Oklahoma, the parents of a girl called Kaity built her a wooden bus stop in the shape of the Tardis. Tragically, it was pinched from her backyard last month by intergalactic scumbags. Whereupon a neighbour and fellow victim, Anthony Pago, put out a plea for money, planks and paint – and with 30 helpers built Kaity a new one and delivered it to the ecstatic teen. It was reported on KFOR News. Leaving thousands of viewers asking "What's a Tardis?", "What's Doctor Who?" and "What's a bus stop doing inside a box marked 'Police'?"