You're not brave until you've done a Kate

Click to follow
The Independent Online

If Kate Winslet wasn't a national treasure before, she certainly is now. Richard Branson's holiday home on the island of Necker has burned down in a tropical storm, and he has revealed that Winslet, who was one of his family's houseguests at the time, carried his 90-year-old mother to safety away from the fanning flames.

Of course Richard then ruined this amazing tale of bravery by saying something about how obviously his mother can walk really but this did help speed things up a bit and nobody was hurt and stuff, thereby ruining my dramatic visions of a helpless Miss Havisham in her wheelchair, but a person can still dream.

Let us now once and for all stop writing articles about how our normal Kate eats cake, and instead commemorate her as the rescuer of old ladies, the sedan chair of selflessness – an actual Hollywood heroine come to life.

Indeed, she told Branson that it was like being on a movie set except she kept expecting somebody to shout "Cut!" and nobody did. Seeing as she has complained a few times of how wet and cold she got making Titanic, one can only imagine the shock of fleeing a force so big and hot.

More of this sort of thing from our celebs! Some proper gallantry – of the action-now-think-about-what-I'm-wearing-later kind. I'd like to imagine that after Kate, the celebrity bravery benchmark is now set so high that some may be disqualified, thereby losing the Brave bit from their monikers. No more Brave Cheryl Cole, Going It Alone, after realising for the third time that her ex-husband is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. No more Brave Lady Gaga, Pushing The Boundaries Of Beef.

Like a hometown university giving its famous son or daughter an honorary doctorate, the fire service should give Winslet an honorary pole. And with the not-revived-enough Celebrity Big Brother rumoured to be facing a freefall in its viewing ratings, they might want to rethink the tasks they set its heroines.

(I'm concerned that if you asked the Gaga to carry an old woman through the burning bush she might mistake this for a suggestion for her next arena tour and hire a sculptor to set Vivienne Westwood's pubes alight.)

Far be it from me to suggest actually bringing in a pensioner and setting the building on fire, but I think we'd all rather see Kerry Katona save a 90-year-old woman from the clutches of death than watch her fail in a quiff-off against the mighty hair gel of Jedward. So think on.

Comments