Unfortunately, we could not find the missing Nick Clegg to offer him up as a lot in The Independent and i's Christmas Charity Auction, but if you look at pages 20-21, you should find at least one that appeals to you.
I know economic realities mean many of you cannot afford to bid, but for those that can, the three charities – Save the Children, Rainbow Trust Children's Charity and The Children's Society – are worthy beneficiaries.
A day at The Independent/i's offices would be a busman's holiday to me, but for all those of you who have ever been curious what it's like behind the headlines, knock yourselves out. Or, perhaps you would rather visit the offices of Private Eye, taking tea with Lord Gnome himself, Ian Hislop? How about having i's fiery columnist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown cook you an Asian feast? It sounds delicious, both in concept and execution, and as for a morning in chef Mark Hix's kitchen, plus a spot of lunch with him ...
If I could bid, some lots might even not involve food. I'd love the gardening writer Anna Pavord to cast an eye over my tiny north-facing garden; a morning at QPR's training ground might get me into trouble with my Fulham-supporting daughters, but any time with manager Neil Warnock would be fun. And there's lunch!
Many of you will be excited at the prospect of taking friends to visit the hallowed set of Coronation Street, and chat to Gail McIntyre (Helen Worth), a Save the Children supporter. More up my, um, street is tickets to see Sir Trevor Nunn's The Lion in Winter and the absolutely fabulous opportunity to meet Joanna Lumley, Gurkha pin-up and Children's Society supporter.
That's all well and good, but the lot I would benefit from most personally is undoubtedly the chance to share the expert personal finance views of Ray Black, the boss of Money Minder Financial Services. Happy bidding.