It’s Christmas Eve, how did that happen? Are you in a blind panic trying to find those last-minute gifts and absolutely vital foodstuffs like chestnuts or sprouts or brandy butter?
You know, those things you crave the other 365 days of the year. Apparently, some 250,000 men hit the shops for the first time today. Retailers say you can tell when the so-called man-dash begins, because sales of Chanel No 5 start to soar.
Again, apparently, more men buy it for their loved ones than any other fragrance. Presumably, the survey was by Chanel? I can vouch for that man-dash: Majestic Wine was heaving with very serious-minded men pretending to know what they were buying by reading the price tags.
And, if your butcher is as good as mine, then never have so many men shopped together and spent so much money for so few meals. A glass cabinet gave way in the crush. A middle-class riot? There are benefits to leaving it so late. Two i staffers nearly fainted at the checkout yesterday when prices turned out to be less than on the ticket– in one case, 90 per cent less.
It is always worth it in the end. May you and yours enjoy an absolutely fabulous Christmas, whether you watch the return of Edina and Patsy or not. We will all discover that John Lewis is right: it is better to give than receive. Usually. But we also know that the bestlaid plans etc …
So, why not send us photos of your worst Christmas presents/turkeys/trees to firstname.lastname@example.org?
The i team will be at work here tomorrow – Christmas Day — so please make it worth our whiles, and buy a copy of the paper on Monday morning on the way to those Boxing Day sales. A very Happy Christmas to all our loyal readers.