...And out: The Truth About Pest control
Sunday 22 March 1998
Doing nothing becomes less and less attractive as juicy new buds disappear under a living green coat of aphids, and the snails and slugs become so fat they can't climb the garden walls without falling off. The second line of defence recommended for the green gardener when it comes to things with legs is a sprayer full of soapy water. Ho, ho. Unless one is prepared to spray approximately every ten minutes, with industrial amounts of Fairy Liquid, soapy water is about as useful as a paper umbrella. On the weekly basis that is the most that anyone who has a job/children/life can manage, the best that can be said is that those pesky pests will be extremely clean, though not noticeably less frisky. The organic way of dealing with slugs and snails is a beer trap; a sunken container full of (cheap) bitter or lager, which is supposed to be irresistible to all things slimy. They fall in and drown (happily, in theory). But however many pints of putrefying slug goo mixed with beer (a truly disgusting combination) are disposed of, a significant proportion of the munching molluscs always seem to be smugly teetotal.
The most likely eventual outcome, once several prize specimens have been reduced to pathetic, ragged skeletons, is complete crack-up and the purchase of a large Bug Gun spray, plus a hundredweight or so of slug pellets. Prowling the garden with a Bug Gun, spreading clouds of noxious poison, feels just like being an extra in a low-budget war movie; snarling "Die! Die! You motherf*****s!" is optional.
Life & Style blogs
iPhone 6S price: new handset to cost the same, Apple unlikely to increase phones' storage
A daily walk 'can add seven years to your life'
Pansexual: What is it - and when did the word become popular?
What do the emojis on Snapchat mean?
Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
Climate change: 2015 will be the hottest year on record 'by a mile', experts say
'Women only' train carriages: Jeremy Corbyn unveils radical move to tackle public harassment
Black holes are a passage to another universe, says Stephen Hawking
Tony Blair attacks Jeremy Corbyn's 'Alice In Wonderland' politics
Theresa May says migrants should be banned from entering the UK unless they have jobs lined up
Jeremy Corbyn calls Osama bin Laden's killing a 'tragedy' - but was it taken out of context?
- 1 VMAs 2015: Was Nicki Minaj and Miley Cyrus' awkward acceptance put-down real or staged?
- 2 If you're not already angry about the migrant crisis, here's a history lesson to remind you why you really should be
- 3 Rules on 5p plastic bags likely to lead to arguments at the check-out
- 4 I like Corbyn, but let's face it: we don't need another white man at the head of a political party
- 5 Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
£35000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: You will be working with a 8 st...
£8000 - £12000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A unique opportunity has arisen ...
Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: An exceptional opportunity has arisen for a pa...
£18000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This provider of designer kitch...