Is it possible to get pregnant through your knickers?

Jodie, Dagenham

Uncle Ony: Your question, Jodie, leads me to surmise either your partner is coercing you into sexual acts or you yourself are seeking to "cheat" your own moral decisions by "accidentally" allowing yourself pleasure you had hitherto decided against. The answer to your problem is to uncover and learn to act upon your own authority. The answer to your question is that it almost entirely depends on the knickers. If you could describe them I may be able to advise you.

Auntie Ag: Well, I suppose so, angel, but why ever would you want to? I'm intrigued. I suppose knickers are terribly attractive nowadays, and so varied! I get a panic attack every time I visit Marks & Spencer's for lingerie. It's like going to Sainsbury's for a yogurt!!

I'm 35 and sick of pretending that I'm happy being single and independent. I want some romance in my life, but how on earth do I meet an intelligent, attractive single man? Work is hopeless (girls' school), socialising seems to consist of cinema or kitchen suppers with a girlfriend. I've been married and had two other long relationships. I'm (allegedly) very attractive, so what is the matter with me? Yours, desperately (but outwardly playing it very cool).

Jane, Sheffield

Uncle Ony: Yes, what a self-centred woman you are. You hold up your ex-husband and previous boyfriends as "scalps" to testify to your attractiveness but, I surmise, were quite happy to leave those relationships when you were keen on pursuing a career. Now, however, as you grow older you seem to feel that the world owes you a boyfriend to help you face the inevitability of death. It may well be that the men you meet would prefer to be with someone younger and a little more willing to put them first and, frankly, who can blame them? I suggest you think very hard about making a man, rather than yourself, the centre of your life and then join an evening class.

Auntie Ag: Darling - I suggest you use Uncle Ony's insulting, assumptive, sexist, stupid heap of codswallop to make you wonder how much you really do want a man in your life. Are you sure you haven't forgotten what they're like, darling? We're all bound to get patches of a couple of years here and there without one, and the thing to do is make the bloody most of it. Never, never panic buy. As far as romance goes, darling, why not book a little trip to some exotic desert outpost ( Petra, perhaps? Taroudannt?) and watch the sunset over a vodka martini. You'll enjoy it more than cooking Delia Smith for some git from the pottery class.

Comments