auntie ag & uncle ony

Click to follow
Indy Lifestyle Online
Six weeks ago my boyfriend dumped me. I was very sad but licked my wounds, and have started going on dates again, and I'm feeling better and better. The thing is, he keeps on ringing asking if I'm all right, suggesting we meet, then telling me he's seeing someone new but wants to be friends. I still love him and every time he rings I think it means he wants to get back, and then I feel awful if he doesn't ring for a few days. It's like he's playing cat and mouse with me.

Rachel, Surrey

Uncle Ony: This is classic victim role-play. "Dumped you", "licked your wounds"? Are you a piece of refuse or an animal which has been attacked? Until one finds a long-term partner, relationships will inevitably begin and end and one must be able to emerge from these experiments with one's self-esteem intact. It is self-esteem you must work on, Rachel. Perhaps a course of counselling will help.

Auntie Ag: Self-indulgent sod. How dare he dump you then indulge himself by phoning up whenever he feels like it. Don't be a mouse, darling, be a tiger - in a subtle, just ever so slightly patronising sort of way. Next time he calls, say, in a terribly concerned voice, that you're worried he's hanging on to you in a rather desperate way. You really want him to get on with his life and be happy, so you're going to have to be cruel to be kind and ask him not to contact you any more. Then if he calls again just tell him to sod off.

Every year the whole run up to Christmas is ruined by trying to send Christmas cards. Is it terribly rude not to bother?

Marie, Leamington Spa

Uncle Ony: One gets out of life what one puts into it. If this simple giving task is sufficient to ruin several weeks for you, then you clearly have a problem with giving: a problem which may be due to unreleased resentment. You must search your consciousness to find where you are holding on to old hurt. Then, with each card you write, repeat the mantra: "I release old hurt, I release old hurt."

Auntie Ag: Oh, give yourself a year off, angel. Nobody will even notice.

I work in rather glamourous business and have been invited to lots of Christmas parties, but increasingly when I'm at a party I keep wishing I was at home, eating beans and watching videos. Is something wrong with me?

Natasha, Notting Hill

Uncle Ony: You sound a very confused and contrary young woman. Many would be deeply envious of your glamorous life, and yet you both want your profession and reject it. Perhaps, at heart you do not feel that you deserve it? These negative thoughts may well need to be worked through.

Auntie Ag: Tell me about it, darling. There's nothing worse than spending night after night on uncomfortable shoes, lurching against the same selection of overdressed drunks. Survey your invites with a ruthless eye. Pick just a handful which promise to be the best bets - the most glamorous, the most cosy or, best of all , the ones stuffed with people you love. Say no to the rest and spend lots of restorative evenings in between, cosying up happily and putting face-packs on.

I have been going out with my girlfriend for six months and she's started going on about what we're going to do over Christmas and New Year. I haven't even thought about it yet, and frankly don't really care. These things don't really bother me that much and it makes me feel as though she is trying to trap me into something.

Steven, Maidenhead

Uncle Ony: I sympathise with you entirely. Your girlfriend seems to be thinking only of her own needs, indeed neediness, instead of understanding your need to take life in a more Zen-like and flowing manner. I suggest you tell her firmly to make her own plans, then you will indicate whether or not you wish to join her in them nearer the time.

Auntie Ag: Oh don't be such a bloody old misery, you stupid boy. It's Christmas! What's happened to your joie de vivre? It'll serve you right if she decides she doesn't want you ruining her fun and runs off with some delicious man in a Santa outfit with a little more oomph about him.

A couple of months ago I slept with a old friend who then said he'd call and didn't. I was really hurt and cross and the next time I saw him at a party I just walked off and ignored him because I felt so angry and didn't want to pretend to be all kissy-kissy. Last week I saw him again and realised that I'd stopped feeling angry so I said hello. He asked if we could have a drink this week "to make things right again between us" and took my number. It's now got to the end of the week and he hasn't called. I just can't understand why anyone would want to be so unpleasant. Should I call him and see it there's an explanation?

Finty, Putney

Uncle Ony: Yes of course, and indeed you should have called him before. You are casting yourself in the role of passive victim and almost willing others to treat you badly. There is no point in creating unnecessary burdens for the psyche by holding on to old hurts, and the best way you can rid yourself of this one is to express your anger, in order to forgive and release.

Auntie Ag: No of course you shouldn't call him, darling. You don't want to be wasting your time with silly people like that.

Comments