Baby, you can drive my Skoda!

New body. Fresh faced. The revamped Skoda is in town. Richard McClure tests Felicia's pulling power

"My job is to convert people," says Eilish O'Shea. It is no small task, for Eilish O'Shea is PR manager for Skoda UK, the company with an image problem to rival that of, well, Lada. Since the first Skoda was assembled in the Czech town of Mlad Boleslav in 1925, the firm has had an unhappy history. Even the company's own publicity literature concedes that under Communist rule "it slipped behind improving Western standards in productivity and quality of product".

In 1977 the Automobile Association declared the Skoda Estelle "inherently dangerous", with a tendency to be thrown around by strong winds. Just two years ago, Which? magazine remarked that the wheels on the oxymoronic Skoda Rapid had a habit of falling off when driven at speed.

But the Skoda driver has always laughed in the face of danger, scorned the vicissitudes of fashion. "Our loyalty rating is second only to Mercedes," proclaims Ms O'Shea. "They keep coming back for more." There are currently about 156,000 Skodas at large in the UK, driven by people whose average age is 52. And now, fuel-injected with pounds 1.1 billion of Volkswagen cash, the company is targeting the under-30 market with a new image and a new model, the Felicia.

The car has been introduced flamboyantly to the company's dealers in Florida and, rather less flamboyantly, to the motoring press in Telford. This week, it's on sale to the public, supported by an advertising campaign that runs: "We've changed the car. We've changed the company. Can you change your mind?"

The Daily Star certainly has. On Wednesday it offered a "sexy Skoda" as the prize in a readers' competition. "Once the butt of drivers' jokes, Skodas are now considered to be really romantic motors," said the Star. "They are also a great talking point, as you try out your best chat-up lines." When one of the newspaper's Starbirds, Sam Coles, took the Felicia for a spin through London, "she was picked up, literally, by a gang of burly workmen. When they caught sight of Sam's stockinged legs, the lads lifted the Skoda into the air to stop her driving off!"

I am not expecting such a positive reaction when I pick up my Felicia from the Skoda nerve-centre in Milton Keynes on a dismal Tuesday evening, but I'm hoping it will at least bring me respect, rather than ridicule, from other road-users. Over the years I've often provided light relief on the highways. When you've driven a Hillman Avenger with a beige vinyl roof, Skodas are not to be feared.

The Felicia is quite an upgrade from my current car - an ailing Hyundai Pony. As a result, my quality standards are less than exacting. I have no concern for the finer points of the suspension system; all I require are those features missing from my own motor: wing mirrors, a horn you can actually hear and a passenger door that opens without a fight. The Felicia doesn't disappoint.

Yet as I manoeuvre my Nigel Mansell-sized arse into the driving seat and lurch out of the car park, I feel slightly despondent. Despite its tumescent scarlet bodywork, the Felicia is by no means a racy car. No one gives it a second glance. Not even the realisation that this is the actual car in which Starbird Sam was hoisted skywards can boost my testosterone level.

Nor am I entirely sure what I should be evaluating. I have never road- tested a car before. Usually it's the preserve of menopausal male speed merchants: Judge Pickles, Brian Sewell. Not people like me, who crack when interrogated by AA men, who suffer huge guilt trips when driving over the remains of Twyford Down.

"Road handling" is the only test category that springs to mind, not something that's easy to judge in the linear, human-free habitat of Milton Keynes. With no sharp corners to swerve around, the best I can manage is negotiating a tricky chicane at the drive-thru McDonald's next to Shoe City.

Zooming down the M1 without once taking refuge in the crawler's lane, I arrive in London for my first opportunity to test the car's acceleration. Even to my untutored eye, the manual's figure of 0-62mph in 14 seconds seems a bit feeble. Clearly, I'll have to choose my competition with some care.

At traffic lights at the Hanger Lane roundabout, I ease alongside two women deep in conversation in a battered Escort and a pizza courier on a scooter. Amber and I'm off, all burning rubber and frenzied gear-changing. First, second, fifth. Oops! Driver error. Too late. The pizza man powers past me.

Back at my flat, I decide to enlist some parental assistance and call up my father. His abiding interest in fuel consumption is one of life's constants. "What are you getting to the gallon?" has been his regular, if unanswered, refrain for more than 10 years. This time I'm ready for him. "Urban: 38.2 mpg; 56mph: 51.4mpg; 75mph: 37.7mpg," I reel off. "That's not bad," he says. I go to bed with the rare pleasure of having fulfilled my filial duty.

The next morning, the photographer, Dave, arrives to capture the Felicia in motion. He tells me he's recently been looking to buy a new car. As we take a turn round Ladbroke Grove in the rush hour I wait in vain for an insight into gearbox ratios and maximum torque. "These doors make quite a lot of noise when you shut them," is all he volunteers in half an hour.

The test-drive over, I cannot help feeling the Skoda has lost its charm. Admittedly, no one has been clutching their sides in hysterical laughter, but nor has anyone been consumed with envious admiration. I'm just one more anonymous commuter.

Returning the car later that day, I spy a building site and my last chance of making an impact. I cruise past the workmen three times, allowing ample opportunity for them to flag me down and raise me and the Felicia up in exultation. But they keep their eyes on their spades and I drive off into the rain.

Tomorrow: Dermot Kelly, our man at Skoda, in `Weekend' Motoring.

News
election 2015The 10 best quotes of the campaign
News
A caravan being used as a polling station in Ford near Salisbury, during the 2010 election
election 2015The Independent's guide to get you through polling day
News
people
Voices
David Blunkett joins the Labour candidate for Redcar Anna Turley on a campaigning visit last month
voicesWhat I learnt from my years in government, by the former Home Secretary David Blunkett
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager (B2B) - Romford - £40,000 + car

    £35000 - £40000 per annum + car and benefits: Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager...

    Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst - Devon - £20,000

    £18000 - £20000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst - Devon - £20,000 ...

    Ashdown Group: Data Scientist - London - £50,000 + bonus

    £35000 - £50000 per annum + generous bonus: Ashdown Group: Business Analytics ...

    Ashdown Group: IT Project Coordinator (Software Development) - Kingston

    £45000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Project Coordinator (Software Dev...

    Day In a Page

    General Election 2015: ‘We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon’, says Ed Balls

    'We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon'

    In an exclusive interview, Ed Balls says he won't negotiate his first Budget with SNP MPs - even if Labour need their votes to secure its passage
    VE Day 70th anniversary: How ordinary Britons celebrated the end of war in Europe

    How ordinary Britons celebrated VE Day

    Our perception of VE Day usually involves crowds of giddy Britons casting off the shackles of war with gay abandon. The truth was more nuanced
    They came in with William Caxton's printing press, but typefaces still matter in the digital age

    Typefaces still matter in the digital age

    A new typeface once took years to create, now thousands are available at the click of a drop-down menu. So why do most of us still rely on the old classics, asks Meg Carter?
    Discovery of 'missing link' between the two main life-forms on Earth could explain evolution of animals, say scientists

    'Missing link' between Earth's two life-forms found

    New microbial species tells us something about our dark past, say scientists
    The Pan Am Experience is a 'flight' back to the 1970s that never takes off - at least, not literally

    Pan Am Experience: A 'flight' back to the 70s

    Tim Walker checks in and checks out a four-hour journey with a difference
    Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics - it's everywhere in the animal world

    Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics

    Voting, mutual back-scratching, coups and charismatic leaders - it's everywhere in the animal world
    Crisp sales are in decline - but this tasty trivia might tempt back the turncoats

    Crisp sales are in decline

    As a nation we're filling up on popcorn and pitta chips and forsaking their potato-based predecessors
    Ronald McDonald the muse? Why Banksy, Ron English and Keith Coventry are lovin' Maccy D's

    Ronald McDonald the muse

    A new wave of artists is taking inspiration from the fast food chain
    13 best picnic blankets

    13 best picnic blankets

    Dine al fresco without the grass stains and damp bottoms with something from our pick of picnic rugs
    Barcelona 3 Bayern Munich 0 player ratings: Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?

    Barcelona vs Bayern Munich player ratings

    Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?
    Martin Guptill: Explosive New Zealand batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

    Explosive batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

    Martin Guptill has smashed early runs for Derbyshire and tells Richard Edwards to expect more from the 'freakish' Brendon McCullum and his buoyant team during their tour of England
    General Election 2015: Ed Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

    Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

    He was meant to be Labour's biggest handicap - but has become almost an asset
    General Election 2015: A guide to the smaller parties, from the the National Health Action Party to the Church of the Militant Elvis Party

    On the margins

    From Militant Elvis to Women's Equality: a guide to the underdogs standing in the election
    Amr Darrag: Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister in exile still believes Egypt's military regime can be replaced with 'moderate' Islamic rule

    'This is the battle of young Egypt for the future of our country'

    Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister Amr Darrag still believes the opposition can rid Egypt of its military regime and replace it with 'moderate' Islamic rule, he tells Robert Fisk
    Why patients must rely less on doctors: Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'

    Why patients must rely less on doctors

    Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'