Charmed life

My date commented that I had an unusually good appetite at lunch, as I tucked into a pudding and a cappuccino. `Eating for three,' I said, but he didn't understand.

It has happened. It is too awful. I just can't believe it. Last week I decided to buy some new bras. This only happens once or twice a year in the average girl's life, so it's quite an event. I nipped into the lingerie department of Fenwick, grabbed a bunch of bras and took them to the changing room. They were too big - there was enough room for a couple of bagels in there, I swear. OK - I've been going to the gym a bit more than usual, but it was just not fair. In a panic I rang for the bra fitter, as I surveyed myself and my gaping cups in the mirror. She was fortyish and matronly, and shook her head in pity as she surveyed my predicament.

Only a few weeks before, a couple of girlfriends had been saying how jealous they were of my C cups, how they, mere As, would to anything to be as out-front as me. Now I stood there, almost in tears, uttering the words I never thought I'd hear myself say: "Would you bring me a couple of Wonderbras too please."

When the Wonderbras came, I snatched them in desperation, thinking that I would immediately be transformed into Eva Herzigova. 34C - too big - no uplift. Matron returned with another. 34B - too big, minimal uplift. She smiled smugly. "Would Madam like to try a 34A?" No! No bloody way. I yanked the curtain shut.

That was it. I needed to do something about it pronto. I had a lunch date, but nonetheless, I stopped to buy the biggest bar of milk chocolate I could find, and ate it on the way. My date commented that I had an unusually good appetite at lunch, as I tucked into a pudding and a cappuccino. "Eating for three," I said, but he didn't understand.

When I got home, I retried my existing Cs, which all seemed to fit. OK, maybe it all wasn't so ample as usual, but I grew suspicious - was there some sort of cup conspiracy afoot? I rang a couple of girlfriends and asked them to go and try on a Wonderbra and tell me how it sized up. The stalwart 32A Wonderbra wearer was loyal to the last, as it had given her what Nature had forgotten to - she had even converted most of the female contingent of her office to the uplifting faith. The breastfeeding mum said: "Bras do shrink, you know - that's why you have to buy new ones, but in your case, it sounds like they've just shrunk-to-fit." That really made me feel better about life.

I decided there was only one way to find out the truth - Rigby and Peller - corsetiers to the Queen, and anyone else who can afford a pounds 40+ bra. They are the oracle on cup sizes. And do you know what they said? I'm a true C, so up your uplift, Eva.

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Ashdown Group: Senior Systems Administrator - London - £50,000

    £40000 - £50000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: Senior Systems Administra...

    Recruitment Genius: Communications and External Affairs Assistant

    £24000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Communications and External Affairs As...

    Ashdown Group: Application Support Analyst- (Customer Support) - £29,000

    £29000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Application Support Analyst- (Customer Suppor...

    Recruitment Genius: Laser Games Supervisor

    £14500 - £15000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

    Day In a Page

    Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

    Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

    The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
    Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

    Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

    Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
    Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
    Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

    Comedians share stories of depression

    The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
    Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

    Has The Archers lost the plot?

    A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
    English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

    14 office buildings added to protected lists

    Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
    Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

    Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

    Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee
    World War Z author Max Brooks honours WW1's Harlem Hellfighters in new graphic novel

    Max Brooks honours Harlem Hellfighters

    The author talks about race, legacy and his Will Smith film option to Tim Walker
    Why the league system no longer measures up

    League system no longer measures up

    Jon Coles, former head of standards at the Department of Education, used to be in charge of school performance rankings. He explains how he would reform the system
    Valentine's Day cards: 5 best online card shops

    Don't leave it to the petrol station: The best online card shops for Valentine's Day

    Can't find a card you like on the high street? Try one of these sites for individual, personalised options, whatever your taste
    Diego Costa: Devil in blue who upsets defences is a reminder of what Liverpool have lost

    Devil in blue Costa is a reminder of what Liverpool have lost

    The Reds are desperately missing Luis Suarez, says Ian Herbert
    Ashley Giles: 'I'll watch England – but not as a fan'

    Ashley Giles: 'I'll watch England – but not as a fan'

    Former one-day coach says he will ‘observe’ their World Cup games – but ‘won’t be jumping up and down’
    Greece elections: In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza

    Greece elections

    In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza, says Patrick Cockburn
    Holocaust Memorial Day: Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears

    Holocaust Memorial Day

    Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears over Europe
    Fortitude and the Arctic attraction: Our fascination with the last great wilderness

    Magnetic north

    The Arctic has always exerted a pull, from Greek myth to new thriller Fortitude. Gerard Gilbert considers what's behind our fascination with the last great wilderness