My date commented that I had an unusually good appetite at lunch, as I tucked into a pudding and a cappuccino. `Eating for three,' I said, but he didn't understand.
Thursday 25 September 1997
Only a few weeks before, a couple of girlfriends had been saying how jealous they were of my C cups, how they, mere As, would to anything to be as out-front as me. Now I stood there, almost in tears, uttering the words I never thought I'd hear myself say: "Would you bring me a couple of Wonderbras too please."
When the Wonderbras came, I snatched them in desperation, thinking that I would immediately be transformed into Eva Herzigova. 34C - too big - no uplift. Matron returned with another. 34B - too big, minimal uplift. She smiled smugly. "Would Madam like to try a 34A?" No! No bloody way. I yanked the curtain shut.
That was it. I needed to do something about it pronto. I had a lunch date, but nonetheless, I stopped to buy the biggest bar of milk chocolate I could find, and ate it on the way. My date commented that I had an unusually good appetite at lunch, as I tucked into a pudding and a cappuccino. "Eating for three," I said, but he didn't understand.
When I got home, I retried my existing Cs, which all seemed to fit. OK, maybe it all wasn't so ample as usual, but I grew suspicious - was there some sort of cup conspiracy afoot? I rang a couple of girlfriends and asked them to go and try on a Wonderbra and tell me how it sized up. The stalwart 32A Wonderbra wearer was loyal to the last, as it had given her what Nature had forgotten to - she had even converted most of the female contingent of her office to the uplifting faith. The breastfeeding mum said: "Bras do shrink, you know - that's why you have to buy new ones, but in your case, it sounds like they've just shrunk-to-fit." That really made me feel better about life.
I decided there was only one way to find out the truth - Rigby and Peller - corsetiers to the Queen, and anyone else who can afford a pounds 40+ bra. They are the oracle on cup sizes. And do you know what they said? I'm a true C, so up your uplift, Eva.
Life & Style blogs
Airline food across the classes: Ever wondered what the other half are eating?
What do the emoji on Snapchat mean?
Huawei P8 review: best phones nobody's seen from the biggest company nobody's heard
The busiest Starbucks in the US is also the most secretive - it's where the CIA gets its coffee fix
Contraceptive pill 'can affect emotions by changing structure of brain'
The only black face in the Ukip manifesto is on the page about overseas aid
If I’m being racially abused I don’t need a stranger with a saviour complex to rescue me
Ukip is the only main political party to not address LGBT rights in its manifesto
Food banks: One million Britons will soon be using them, according to Trussell Trust
BBC election debate: The one photo that summed up the whole 90-minute leaders debate
Religion isn't growing, it is becoming vigorous in its demise, says philosopher AC Grayling
- 1 Alan Rickman admits editing 'terrible' script with friends in Pizza Hut behind backs of writers on Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
- 2 18th century sex toy found in 'toilet of sword fighting school' in Poland
- 3 US? China? India? The 10 biggest economies in 2030 will be...
- 4 'I wish my teacher knew...': Young students share their 'heartbreaking' worries in notes
- 5 Rebecca Francis accuses Ricky Gervais of using 'influence' to target female hunters after receiving barrage of death threats
£18000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...
£16500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Chiropractic Assistant is needed in a ...
£18000 - £26000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...
£28000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides coaching ...