charmed life

Most women don't see the likes of `Cosmopolitan' and `Marie Claire' as the bibles of modern living, they're more the Yellow Pages of female survival. But these promise-all articles say nothing new - they state the obvious. The thing is, you have to check anyway, just in case.

The "Qualitative Survey of Images in Women's Magazines" published on Monday revealed that if glossies are the mirror of the modern woman's soul, well - she doesn't have one. Apparently we are shower of selfish, shallow bitches because all we think about is fashion, sex and going to the gym.

Well, come on critics, if you're single what else is there to think about? Knitting, gardening and baking Christmas cakes? I think not. Anyway most women don't see the likes of Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire as the Bibles of modern living, they're more the Yellow Pages of female survival. Need a little black dress? Marie Claire features 120 party dresses for under pounds 100 - very handy. Health tips - how to combat that morning-after-the- night-before look. Then there's the curiosity factor. How can you resist a peek at "Girl to Woman - Sex moves that show you've arrived"; "Dress 10lb slimmer"; "Cheat your way to natural beauty" or "50 sex tips revealed! What he wants you to do!" These promise-all articles say nothing new - they state the obvious. The thing is, you have to check anyway, just in case. Let's face it, young women are not going to be moved by the "acceptable" glossies: "Quick Fixes for Tired Kitchens!"; "Topiary vs nettles - winners in the window box wars", or "Steam irons on test" just don't cry out from the shelves. OK, some magazines are like the Sunday Sport with glossy covers and perfume samples. Take "Would you recognise your lover's most intimate parts?" Now that is a gross article: hanging in a gallery, in heavy gold frames, are blown up black and white photographs of eight rather battle-weary willies, and the girlfriends have to identify them. In fact not only are the women unsure of whose is whose, so are the men. Quote of the article? "They look like a darkened room full of mushrooms," says Trudy, "but I wouldn't fancy that one fried in butter."

And while we are on the subject of men, why haven't they come under the cosh? If glossy girls are bimbos from hell then what about glossy guys? All they think about are cars, sport and beer (and sex). Recent conversations with men have generally been punctuated with certain key words and phrases: "fast"; "motorbike"; "convertible"; "rugby"; "rugby"; "make mine a pint" and "what's your phone number?" Loaded says of its cover girl: "Christina Estrada - sounds like a car, looks like a woman", but XL on the subject of leather car seats, really sums it up: "Leather suggests bondage, bikers (hubba hubba) and an easy-wipe surface to bonk on." So what is everyone complaining about? Loaded Man and Cosmo Woman are made for each other.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - OTE £30,000+

    £16000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They are looking for individual...

    Recruitment Genius: IT Project Coordinator / Manager

    £25000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Project Coordinator is requir...

    Recruitment Genius: Mortgage Advisor - OTE £95,000

    £40000 - £95000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

    Recruitment Genius: Trainee Vehicle Inspectors / Purchasers

    £20000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Trainee Vehicle Inspectors / Pu...

    Day In a Page

    Greece debt crisis: EU 'family' needs to forgive rather than punish an impoverished state

    EU 'family' needs to forgive rather than punish an impoverished state

    An outbreak of malaria in Greece four years ago helps us understand the crisis, says Robert Fisk
    Gaza, a year on from Operation Protective Edge: The traumatised kibbutz on Israel's front line, still recovering from last summer's war with Hamas

    Gaza, a year on from Operation Protective Edge

    The traumatised kibbutz on Israel's front line, still recovering from last summer's war with Hamas
    How to survive electrical storms: What are the chances of being hit by lightning?

    Heavy weather

    What are the chances of being hit by lightning?
    World Bodypainting Festival 2015: Bizarre and brilliant photos celebrate 'the body as art'

    World Bodypainting Festival 2015

    Bizarre and brilliant photos celebrate 'the body as art'
    alt-j: A private jet, a Mercury Prize and Latitude headliners

    Don't call us nerds

    Craig Mclean meets alt-j - the math-folk act who are flying high
    How to find gold: The Californian badlands, digging out crevasses and sifting sludge

    How to find gold

    Steve Boggan finds himself in the Californian badlands, digging out crevasses and sifting sludge
    Singing accents: From Herman's Hermits and David Bowie to Alesha Dixon

    Not born in the USA

    Lay off Alesha Dixon: songs sound better in US accents, even our national anthem
    10 best balsamic vinegars

    10 best balsamic vinegars

    Drizzle it over salad, enjoy it with ciabatta, marinate vegetables, or use it to add depth to a sauce - this versatile staple is a cook's best friend
    Wimbledon 2015: Brief glimpses of the old Venus but Williams sisters' epic wars belong to history

    Brief glimpses of the old Venus but Williams sisters' epic wars belong to history

    Serena dispatched her elder sister 6-4, 6-3 in eight minutes more than an hour
    Greece says 'No': A night of huge celebrations in Athens as voters decisively back Tsipras and his anti-austerity stance in historic referendum

    Greece referendum

    Greeks say 'No' to austerity and plunge Europe into crisis
    Ten years after the 7/7 terror attacks, is Britain an altered state?

    7/7 bombings anniversary

    Ten years after the terror attacks, is Britain an altered state?
    Beautiful evening dresses are some of the loveliest Donatella has created

    Versace haute couture review

    Beautiful evening dresses are some of the loveliest Donatella has ever created
    No hope and no jobs, so Gaza's young risk their lives, climb the fence and run for it

    No hope and no jobs in Gaza

    So the young risk their lives and run for it
    Fashion apps: Retailers roll together shopping and social networking for mobile customers

    Fashion apps

    Retailers roll together shopping and social networking for mobile customers
    The Greek referendum exposes a gaping hole at the heart of the European Union – its distinct lack of any genuine popular legitimacy

    Gaping hole at the heart of the European Union

    Treatment of Greece has shown up a lack of genuine legitimacy