Thursday 27 November 1997
The "Qualitative Survey of Images in Women's Magazines" published on Monday revealed that if glossies are the mirror of the modern woman's soul, well - she doesn't have one. Apparently we are shower of selfish, shallow bitches because all we think about is fashion, sex and going to the gym.
Well, come on critics, if you're single what else is there to think about? Knitting, gardening and baking Christmas cakes? I think not. Anyway most women don't see the likes of Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire as the Bibles of modern living, they're more the Yellow Pages of female survival. Need a little black dress? Marie Claire features 120 party dresses for under pounds 100 - very handy. Health tips - how to combat that morning-after-the- night-before look. Then there's the curiosity factor. How can you resist a peek at "Girl to Woman - Sex moves that show you've arrived"; "Dress 10lb slimmer"; "Cheat your way to natural beauty" or "50 sex tips revealed! What he wants you to do!" These promise-all articles say nothing new - they state the obvious. The thing is, you have to check anyway, just in case. Let's face it, young women are not going to be moved by the "acceptable" glossies: "Quick Fixes for Tired Kitchens!"; "Topiary vs nettles - winners in the window box wars", or "Steam irons on test" just don't cry out from the shelves. OK, some magazines are like the Sunday Sport with glossy covers and perfume samples. Take "Would you recognise your lover's most intimate parts?" Now that is a gross article: hanging in a gallery, in heavy gold frames, are blown up black and white photographs of eight rather battle-weary willies, and the girlfriends have to identify them. In fact not only are the women unsure of whose is whose, so are the men. Quote of the article? "They look like a darkened room full of mushrooms," says Trudy, "but I wouldn't fancy that one fried in butter."
And while we are on the subject of men, why haven't they come under the cosh? If glossy girls are bimbos from hell then what about glossy guys? All they think about are cars, sport and beer (and sex). Recent conversations with men have generally been punctuated with certain key words and phrases: "fast"; "motorbike"; "convertible"; "rugby"; "rugby"; "make mine a pint" and "what's your phone number?" Loaded says of its cover girl: "Christina Estrada - sounds like a car, looks like a woman", but XL on the subject of leather car seats, really sums it up: "Leather suggests bondage, bikers (hubba hubba) and an easy-wipe surface to bonk on." So what is everyone complaining about? Loaded Man and Cosmo Woman are made for each other.
Life & Style blogs
The Swedes are adding a gender-neutral pronoun to their dictionary
McDonald’s launches clothing line using Big Mac prints
Facebook to test 747-sized drones that will beam broadband to the entire world
The distress of some Zayn Malik fans is real, and they need support, say experts
Chair-bound workers 'should move around every hour to reduce physical and mental health risks'
Nigel Farage brands LGBT activists 'filth' and 'scum' and accuses them of scaring away his children after they invade his local pub
Ukip supporters are 55 or older, white and socially conservative, finds British Social Attitudes Report
JK Rowling responds to fan tweeting she 'can't see' Dumbledore being gay
Russia threatens Denmark with nuclear weapons if it tries to join Nato defence shield
Jeremy Clarkson sacked live: Alan Yentob 'wouldn't rule out' ex Top Gear host's BBC return
Germanwings plane crash live: Andreas Guenter Lubitz intentionally crashed flight 9525 into the Alps in act of mass murder and suicide – latest
- 1 Germanwings crash: Police make 'significant discovery' at home of co-pilot Andreas Lubitz
- 3 Zayn Malik already working on solo material, just days after quitting One Direction
- 4 The West has it totally wrong on Lee Kuan Yew
- 5 #FreeTheNipple: Women in Iceland bare breasts in solidarity with trolled student
£32000 - £38000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A successful accountancy practice in...
£18000 - £23000 per annum + Uncapped commission: SThree: Does earning a 6 figu...
£18000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...
£35000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A challenging opportunity for a...