charmed life

Most women don't see the likes of `Cosmopolitan' and `Marie Claire' as the bibles of modern living, they're more the Yellow Pages of female survival. But these promise-all articles say nothing new - they state the obvious. The thing is, you have to check anyway, just in case.

The "Qualitative Survey of Images in Women's Magazines" published on Monday revealed that if glossies are the mirror of the modern woman's soul, well - she doesn't have one. Apparently we are shower of selfish, shallow bitches because all we think about is fashion, sex and going to the gym.

Well, come on critics, if you're single what else is there to think about? Knitting, gardening and baking Christmas cakes? I think not. Anyway most women don't see the likes of Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire as the Bibles of modern living, they're more the Yellow Pages of female survival. Need a little black dress? Marie Claire features 120 party dresses for under pounds 100 - very handy. Health tips - how to combat that morning-after-the- night-before look. Then there's the curiosity factor. How can you resist a peek at "Girl to Woman - Sex moves that show you've arrived"; "Dress 10lb slimmer"; "Cheat your way to natural beauty" or "50 sex tips revealed! What he wants you to do!" These promise-all articles say nothing new - they state the obvious. The thing is, you have to check anyway, just in case. Let's face it, young women are not going to be moved by the "acceptable" glossies: "Quick Fixes for Tired Kitchens!"; "Topiary vs nettles - winners in the window box wars", or "Steam irons on test" just don't cry out from the shelves. OK, some magazines are like the Sunday Sport with glossy covers and perfume samples. Take "Would you recognise your lover's most intimate parts?" Now that is a gross article: hanging in a gallery, in heavy gold frames, are blown up black and white photographs of eight rather battle-weary willies, and the girlfriends have to identify them. In fact not only are the women unsure of whose is whose, so are the men. Quote of the article? "They look like a darkened room full of mushrooms," says Trudy, "but I wouldn't fancy that one fried in butter."

And while we are on the subject of men, why haven't they come under the cosh? If glossy girls are bimbos from hell then what about glossy guys? All they think about are cars, sport and beer (and sex). Recent conversations with men have generally been punctuated with certain key words and phrases: "fast"; "motorbike"; "convertible"; "rugby"; "rugby"; "make mine a pint" and "what's your phone number?" Loaded says of its cover girl: "Christina Estrada - sounds like a car, looks like a woman", but XL on the subject of leather car seats, really sums it up: "Leather suggests bondage, bikers (hubba hubba) and an easy-wipe surface to bonk on." So what is everyone complaining about? Loaded Man and Cosmo Woman are made for each other.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

SPONSORED FEATURES

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Environmental Adviser - Maternity Cover

    £37040 - £43600 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The UK's export credit agency a...

    Recruitment Genius: CBM & Lubrication Technician

    £25000 - £27500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides a compreh...

    Recruitment Genius: Care Worker - Residential Emergency Service

    £16800 - £19500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Would you like to join an organ...

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Landscaper

    £25000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: In the last five years this com...

    Day In a Page

    Refugee crisis: David Cameron lowered the flag for the dead king of Saudi Arabia - will he do the same honour for little Aylan Kurdi?

    Cameron lowered the flag for the dead king of Saudi Arabia...

    But will he do the same honour for little Aylan Kurdi, asks Robert Fisk
    Our leaders lack courage in this refugee crisis. We are shamed by our European neighbours

    Our leaders lack courage in this refugee crisis. We are shamed by our European neighbours

    Humanity must be at the heart of politics, says Jeremy Corbyn
    Joe Biden's 'tease tour': Could the US Vice-President be testing the water for a presidential run?

    Joe Biden's 'tease tour'

    Could the US Vice-President be testing the water for a presidential run?
    Britain's 24-hour culture: With the 'leisured society' a distant dream we're working longer and less regular hours than ever

    Britain's 24-hour culture

    With the 'leisured society' a distant dream we're working longer and less regular hours than ever
    Diplomacy board game: Treachery is the way to win - which makes it just like the real thing

    The addictive nature of Diplomacy

    Bullying, betrayal, aggression – it may be just a board game, but the family that plays Diplomacy may never look at each other in the same way again
    Lady Chatterley's Lover: Racy underwear for fans of DH Lawrence's equally racy tome

    Fashion: Ooh, Lady Chatterley!

    Take inspiration from DH Lawrence's racy tome with equally racy underwear
    8 best children's clocks

    Tick-tock: 8 best children's clocks

    Whether you’re teaching them to tell the time or putting the finishing touches to a nursery, there’s a ticker for that
    Charlie Austin: Queens Park Rangers striker says ‘If the move is not right, I’m not going’

    Charlie Austin: ‘If the move is not right, I’m not going’

    After hitting 18 goals in the Premier League last season, the QPR striker was the great non-deal of transfer deadline day. But he says he'd preferred another shot at promotion
    Isis profits from destruction of antiquities by selling relics to dealers - and then blowing up the buildings they come from to conceal the evidence of looting

    How Isis profits from destruction of antiquities

    Robert Fisk on the terrorist group's manipulation of the market to increase the price of artefacts
    Labour leadership: Andy Burnham urges Jeremy Corbyn voters to think again in last-minute plea

    'If we lose touch we’ll end up with two decades of the Tories'

    In an exclusive interview, Andy Burnham urges Jeremy Corbyn voters to think again in last-minute plea
    Tunisia fears its Arab Spring could be reversed as the new regime becomes as intolerant of dissent as its predecessor

    The Arab Spring reversed

    Tunisian protesters fear that a new law will whitewash corrupt businessmen and officials, but they are finding that the new regime is becoming as intolerant of dissent as its predecessor
    King Arthur: Legendary figure was real and lived most of his life in Strathclyde, academic claims

    Academic claims King Arthur was real - and reveals where he lived

    Dr Andrew Breeze says the legendary figure did exist – but was a general, not a king
    Who is Oliver Bonas and how has he captured middle-class hearts?

    Who is Oliver Bonas?

    It's the first high-street store to pay its staff the living wage, and it saw out the recession in style
    Earth has 'lost more than half its trees' since humans first started cutting them down

    Axe-wielding Man fells half the world’s trees – leaving us just 422 each

    However, the number of trees may be eight times higher than previously thought
    60 years of Scalextric: Model cars are now stuffed with as much tech as real ones

    60 years of Scalextric

    Model cars are now stuffed with as much tech as real ones