Walker's Crisps

According to a recent survey, 84 per cent of the public say their purchasing decisions are unaffected by a celebrity endorsement. However, the survey only asked adults, and most of the products endorsed by celebrities - like - use the Spice Girls for the little girls and Gary Lineker for wee boys.

Gascoigne, Gary and the S-girls are getting bundles of crisp-notes for these advertising deals. Although they take a nice ironic line in getting the Spice Girls to advertise cheese and chive crisps, we say walk away from Walker's because...

q Walker's advertising appeals to the criminal classes. When they offered free Tazos, Tazo thieves began slitting open crisp packets in supermarkets in a bid to collect the plastic discs.

qIt encourages children to be entrepreneurs. Star Wars Tazos are now changing hands for about 60p each.

qWe could have a "Remember Wotsit Day" or we could say no to the Walker's bid to take over the world.

qThere is one thing worse than goody goody Gary Lineker - and that is seeing him dressed up in tight trousers and wearing a Village People-style moustache. (The subliminal advertising message - oh so hard to work out - that good is straight, and bad is gay).

qThey decided to re-shoot the Spice Girls ad after Victoria "Posh" Spice thought she looked too pouty and disgruntled. A nation bemoans the lack of reality in an ad.