CLUBBING With Alister Morgan

Don't worry if you missed the results of the recent London Club Awards 1997. Most of the LCA 97 winners were dubious choices, so we've compiled our own special EYE Awards for the world's finest clubbing city:

The Best Night: LCA 97 awards went to Pushca and The Next Big Thing at the Hanover Grand. No complaints here. Anyone who's been to Pushca knows they've got a winning formula. T.N.B.T offers pure handbag but the vibe is unrivalled and boasts a stylish selection of celebs and regulars each Thursday.

Best Non-House Night: A no-brainer - Fresh and Funky has them queuing down Regent Street every Wednesday for phat helpings of hip-hop and R'n'B flavas.

Best Flyers: Invitations for Tinkerbelle, at The Cross, are stylish and imaginative - innovative graphics accompanied by quotes from JM Barrie's Peter Pan. Honourable mentions go to Pushca, Milk 'n' 2 Sugars and Tommy Mack (LCA 97 winner) for his Tomopoly Ball.

Best DJ: The LCA 97 award went to the excellent James Lavelle. Everyone has their own idea of who the best house DJ is but my choice goes to Masters at Work for the recent gig at The Complex - creative and guaranteed to get you on the dancefloor.

Sexiest Host(s): A recent move to the Cafe de Paris gives the Fur Coat No Knickers girls a sumptuous venue, worthy of their glamorous talents.

The name of the night shouldn't be taken literally but it does encapsulate the naughty-but-nice vibe. An honourable mention goes to champagne-swigging Nick "Head of

Promotions" House for his memorable expose on the London club scene for French television.

Best Fashion Police: This award goes to Malibu Stacey for their tireless efforts to keep scruffs out of their oversubscribed event. No one blanks you with such compassionate understanding and good taste.

Best Club Venue: Pretty much like the Best DJ category - hard to pick just one. My vote goes to The Cross for its intimate feel and excellent chill-out garden zone. With the crowd writhing around the decks, DJing is an interactive activity. Honourable mention for The End, Cafe de Paris and the always-excellent Ministry of Sound.

Clubbing Gong Award: To idiots who tag stupid sound-bites and endless classifications on house music. We've already got a million shades of house, "trip-hop" and now... "speed garage". A new type of music? No chance - it's just normal garage played at +3 on the Technics!