After the 16 December, beef "on-the-bone" will be outlawed and we suspect all beef products' popularity will be at an all-time low. We hope then, beef-lovers across the country will celebrate with The Nosh Brothers in tucking into a lovely rib of beef tom
It's just what we wanted - another fab food scare - just when we need it. At this time of year, when one's finances are being stretched to cover the costs of Christmas, it's good to find the price of something coming down.

We, of course, know that there is something far more sinister afoot, that is to say the cost to the state of looking after old people, and those on income support.

Let's consider the facts. Firstly, older people are less likely to be veggie. Two, having survived the war and rationing they are always in the market for a bargain.

The other group is the unfortunate sector of the population on income support. This costs the state a considerable amount of taxpayers' money, so we reckon the master plan is to drive the old and the poor mad. By doing this, the Government will have killed two birds with one stone.

What we really need is a vintage champagne and caviar scare or a leg of lamb scare..., or even suspicion to fall on some dubious lobsters. This would allow all of us to indulge in a little luxury.

Bon appetit!

The Nosh Brothers book `Entertaining' is available in book shops or from Macmillan on 0181-324 5700.

`Winter Nosh, The Nosh Brothers new television series, will be transmitted on Carlton Food Network from 8 January '98. The book of the series, Winter Nosh (HarperCollins) is also available from bookshops or mail order on 0181-307 4052.