Creativity / Grate ideas for things to do without cheese.

Cheese graters, according to Mrs Victor Bartlett, may be gainfully employed in the treatment of corns, with considerable savings on Dr Scholl's expensive preparations. This also adds a certain piquancy to the parmesan. Other readers have different ideas.

"Lay it on its side in the garden while it's raining," advises Jan Moor. "Mice can then use it as a shower cubicle." Len Clarke recommends it as a substitute for the conventional pocketful of earth when English bowlers want to roughen up the ball a little during a Test match. Michael Riggs has a tip for shepherds: "The messy rear ends of ewes may be neatly shorn by strapping the cheese grater to the underside of the servicing ram." He also suggests that cheese-graters make useful mouth-organs for masochists on the comb-and-paper principle. "Glissandi tend to work in only one direction, though."

Jon Wright did us a poem with lots of good rhymes like mater, pater and equator, but it's too long to fit and it looked silly when grated.

Ideas in brief: Portable document shredders (Gideon Simon), sleeveguard for runny-nosed children (BE Penson), on short piece of bungee elastic as automatic back-scratcher (Michael Rubinstein), give to the Jumblies for bailing water from their sieve or nail-files for giants (R J Pickles); ice-shoes (lots of you); deterrent to bannister-sliding (Edward Duncombe); cheese wire linking two graters makes a rudimentary telephone (Ciarn Ryan).

Gilbert Wood points out that with a pig and a grater you can make pork scratchings. "A hollw grater, with a candle inside," say John and Fiona Earle, "makes a fine indoor lighthouse, ideal for helping tadpoles navigate in the bath." Marie Louise Flavin sees it as a traveller's essential companion: "Hold under a running tap for an instant shower, or substitute for forgotten razor, or strumming along with a steel band in the Caribbean."

Stuart Cockerill uses his 31/2 inch broad cheese grater for scraping coffee stains from inside his floppy disk drive. He also has a 51/4 inch grater which he keeps in a kitchen drawer for sentimental reasons. "As a child's plaything," writes John Hampson, "graters are much in demand for distressing repro furniture and the child's parents simultaneously." he also points out their uses as tadpole filter, colon printer and tonsil shredder, as well as an acclimatisation device for anyone having to kiss a celebrity with designer stubble.

Prizes to: Michael Riggs, marie Louise Flavin, John Hampson. Next week, things to do with paunches. Meanwhile, we seek things to do with avocado pips. Ideas to: Creativity, the Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. Chambers Dictionary-Thesaurus rewards for the best.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Purchase Ledger Administrator

    £5120 per annum: Recruitment Genius: You will be working for one of the countr...

    Recruitment Genius: Engineering Surveyor

    £20000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An opportunity has arisen for a...

    Recruitment Genius: Customer Services Support

    £9000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: You will be working for one of the countr...

    Recruitment Genius: Junior Estimator

    £17000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An opportunity has arisen for a...

    Day In a Page

    Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

    Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

    How a costume drama became a Sunday night staple
    Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers as he pushes Tories on housing

    Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers

    Labour leader pushes Tories on housing
    Aviation history is littered with grand failures - from the the Bristol Brabazon to Concorde - but what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?

    Aviation history is littered with grand failures

    But what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?
    Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of Soviet-style 'iron curtains' right across Europe

    Fortress Europe?

    Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of 'iron curtains'
    Never mind what you're wearing, it's what you're reclining on

    Never mind what you're wearing

    It's what you're reclining on that matters
    General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband

    Chuka Umunna: A virus of racism runs through Ukip

    The shadow business secretary on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
    Yemen crisis: This exotic war will soon become Europe's problem

    Yemen's exotic war will soon affect Europe

    Terrorism and boatloads of desperate migrants will be the outcome of the Saudi air campaign, says Patrick Cockburn
    Marginal Streets project aims to document voters in the run-up to the General Election

    Marginal Streets project documents voters

    Independent photographers Joseph Fox and Orlando Gili are uploading two portraits of constituents to their website for each day of the campaign
    Game of Thrones: Visit the real-life kingdom of Westeros to see where violent history ends and telly tourism begins

    The real-life kingdom of Westeros

    Is there something a little uncomfortable about Game of Thrones shooting in Northern Ireland?
    How to survive a social-media mauling, by the tough women of Twitter

    How to survive a Twitter mauling

    Mary Beard, Caroline Criado-Perez, Louise Mensch, Bunny La Roche and Courtney Barrasford reveal how to trounce the trolls
    Gallipoli centenary: At dawn, the young remember the young who perished in one of the First World War's bloodiest battles

    At dawn, the young remember the young

    A century ago, soldiers of the Empire – many no more than boys – spilt on to Gallipoli’s beaches. On this 100th Anzac Day, there are personal, poetic tributes to their sacrifice
    Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves

    Follow the money as never before

    Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves, reports Rupert Cornwell
    Samuel West interview: The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents

    Samuel West interview

    The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents
    General Election 2015: Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

    Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

    Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, on what the leaders' appearances tell us about them
    Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

    Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

    The architect of the HeForShe movement and head of UN Women on the world's failure to combat domestic violence