Creativity / Grate ideas for things to do without cheese.

Cheese graters, according to Mrs Victor Bartlett, may be gainfully employed in the treatment of corns, with considerable savings on Dr Scholl's expensive preparations. This also adds a certain piquancy to the parmesan. Other readers have different ideas.

"Lay it on its side in the garden while it's raining," advises Jan Moor. "Mice can then use it as a shower cubicle." Len Clarke recommends it as a substitute for the conventional pocketful of earth when English bowlers want to roughen up the ball a little during a Test match. Michael Riggs has a tip for shepherds: "The messy rear ends of ewes may be neatly shorn by strapping the cheese grater to the underside of the servicing ram." He also suggests that cheese-graters make useful mouth-organs for masochists on the comb-and-paper principle. "Glissandi tend to work in only one direction, though."

Jon Wright did us a poem with lots of good rhymes like mater, pater and equator, but it's too long to fit and it looked silly when grated.

Ideas in brief: Portable document shredders (Gideon Simon), sleeveguard for runny-nosed children (BE Penson), on short piece of bungee elastic as automatic back-scratcher (Michael Rubinstein), give to the Jumblies for bailing water from their sieve or nail-files for giants (R J Pickles); ice-shoes (lots of you); deterrent to bannister-sliding (Edward Duncombe); cheese wire linking two graters makes a rudimentary telephone (Ciarn Ryan).

Gilbert Wood points out that with a pig and a grater you can make pork scratchings. "A hollw grater, with a candle inside," say John and Fiona Earle, "makes a fine indoor lighthouse, ideal for helping tadpoles navigate in the bath." Marie Louise Flavin sees it as a traveller's essential companion: "Hold under a running tap for an instant shower, or substitute for forgotten razor, or strumming along with a steel band in the Caribbean."

Stuart Cockerill uses his 31/2 inch broad cheese grater for scraping coffee stains from inside his floppy disk drive. He also has a 51/4 inch grater which he keeps in a kitchen drawer for sentimental reasons. "As a child's plaything," writes John Hampson, "graters are much in demand for distressing repro furniture and the child's parents simultaneously." he also points out their uses as tadpole filter, colon printer and tonsil shredder, as well as an acclimatisation device for anyone having to kiss a celebrity with designer stubble.

Prizes to: Michael Riggs, marie Louise Flavin, John Hampson. Next week, things to do with paunches. Meanwhile, we seek things to do with avocado pips. Ideas to: Creativity, the Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. Chambers Dictionary-Thesaurus rewards for the best.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Business Development Manager / Sales - OTE £45,000

    £35000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is a solutions / s...

    Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - OTE £45,000

    £18000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Sales Executive is required t...

    Recruitment Genius: Test Development Engineer

    £35000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Are you inspired to bring new a...

    Recruitment Genius: Trainee Motor Engineer

    £14000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

    Day In a Page

    Sepp Blatter resignation: The beginning of Fifa's long road to reform?

    Does Blatter's departure mean Fifa will automatically clean up its act?

    Don't bet on it, says Tom Peck
    Charles Kennedy: The baby of the House who grew into a Lib Dem giant

    The baby of the House who grew into a Lib Dem giant

    Charles Kennedy was consistently a man of the centre-left, dedicated to social justice, but was also a champion of liberty and an opponent of the nanny-state, says Baroness Williams
    Syria civil war: The harrowing testament of a five-year-old victim of this endless conflict

    The harrowing testament of a five-year-old victim of Syria's endless civil war

    Sahar Qanbar lost her mother and brother as civilians and government soldiers fought side by side after being surrounded by brutal Islamist fighters. Robert Fisk visited her
    The future of songwriting: How streaming is changing everything we know about making music

    The future of songwriting

    How streaming is changing everything we know about making music
    William Shemin and Henry Johnson: Jewish and black soldiers receive World War I Medal of Honor amid claims of discrimination

    Recognition at last

    Jewish and black soldiers who fought in WWI finally receive medals after claims of discrimination
    Beating obesity: The new pacemaker which helps over-eaters

    Beating obesity

    The new pacemaker which helps over-eaters
    9 best women's festival waterproofs

    Ready for rain: 9 best women's festival waterproofs

    These are the macs to keep your denim dry and your hair frizz-free(ish)
    On your feet! Spending at least two hours a day standing reduces the risk of heart attacks, cancer and diabetes, according to new research

    On your feet!

    Spending half the day standing 'reduces risk of heart attacks and cancer'
    Liverpool close in on Milner signing

    Liverpool close in on Milner signing

    Reds baulk at Christian Benteke £32.5m release clause
    With scores of surgeries closing, what hope is there for the David Cameron's promise of 5,000 more GPs and a 24/7 NHS?

    The big NHS question

    Why are there so few new GPs when so many want to study medicine?
    Big knickers are back: Thongs ain't what they used to be

    Thongs ain't what they used to be

    Big knickers are back
    Thurston Moore interview

    Thurston Moore interview

    On living in London, Sonic Youth and musical memoirs
    In full bloom

    In full bloom

    Floral print womenswear
    From leading man to Elephant Man, Bradley Cooper is terrific

    From leading man to Elephant Man

    Bradley Cooper is terrific
    In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

    In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

    Dame Colette Bowe - interview