Creativity / Weaving skills for homeless spiders

What to do with spin doctors? Gerald Crawshaw blames PR people for making it so difficult to get a spin doctor to repair your washing machine. Gary Marshall recommends them for mending the "broken weft and warp of life's rich tapestry". Or broken internets, or salad spinners, or assisting the dizzy at Alton Towers, or turning sheep into pullovers.

"Spin doctors?" asks Liz Fowler. "Turn them in their graves." Ciarn Ryan says: "If one hand is used as a speaker and the other holds a needle, a spin doctor at 45 rpm could play patients' records." He also believes they may have been responsible for many medical revolutions. John Donnelly says they are very useful at finding imaginary solutions for hypochondriacs' ailments.

C Harrison provides a historical footnote, dating the practice back to the "spinning doctors" or Luddites of the early 1700s who practised on patients such as the famous Spinning Jenny. "It is warming to see that they have not forgotten their industrial heritage," he says, "and remain associated with spinning coarse yarns." Liz Golding, however, dates them back many centuries to remote parts of Asia where they treated whirling dervishes. Today's spin doctors, she maintains, while treating arachnophobes, keep up to date with the latest developments on the World Wide Web.

Luela Palmer accuses them of sticking "78 rpm" labels over LPs to enhance their collectability. The term also has a secondary meaning, she claims, for doctors who assess surgical priorities by tossing a coin. "To test the state of English cricket before the patient dies," says Elaine Bisco. "To mend the hum in spinning tops or to twirl puffs of candyfloss," says Alison Blackburn. Hazel Laitner says they can teach weaving skills to homeless spiders.

"Spin doctors are boring fellows," says AJ Brewer. "A spin doctor who spins on the spot will rapidly produce a bore-hole." Geoffrey Langley points out that spin doctors who qualify as surgeons become spin misters. C Douglas confirms their value in NHS hospitals for turning slow consultants' rounds into speedy spin-doc tours. He also points out that maypole dancers may be cured of that spinning feeling by prescribing the smaller tad-poles.

Prizes to Gary Marshall, Luela Palmer and Alison Blackburn. Next week, useful things to do with tonsils. Meanwhile, following the acute joy we felt in typing the name Ciarn earlier, and the grave failure the French had trying to abolish the circumflex a few years ago, we seek things to do with accents. Ideas to: Creativity, the Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. Chambers Combined Dictionary-Thesaurus prizes for the best.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

SPONSORED FEATURES

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Project Assistant

    £17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They are a leading company in the field ...

    Recruitment Genius: DBA Developer - SQL Server

    £30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

    Recruitment Genius: Office Manager

    £26041 - £34876 per annum: Recruitment Genius: There has never been a more exc...

    Recruitment Genius: Travel Customer Service and Experience Manager

    £14000 - £17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The fastest growing travel comp...

    Day In a Page

    Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza

    Andrew Grice: Inside Westminster

    Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza
    HMS Victory: The mystery of Britain's worst naval disaster is finally solved - 271 years later

    The mystery of Britain's worst naval disaster is finally solved - 271 years later

    Exclusive: David Keys reveals the research that finally explains why HMS Victory went down with the loss of 1,100 lives
    Survivors of the Nagasaki atomic bomb attack: Japan must not abandon its post-war pacifism

    'I saw people so injured you couldn't tell if they were dead or alive'

    Nagasaki survivors on why Japan must not abandon its post-war pacifism
    Jon Stewart: The voice of Democrats who felt Obama had failed to deliver on his 'Yes We Can' slogan, and the voter he tried hardest to keep onside

    The voter Obama tried hardest to keep onside

    Outgoing The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart, became the voice of Democrats who felt the President had failed to deliver on his ‘Yes We Can’ slogan. Tim Walker charts the ups and downs of their 10-year relationship on screen
    RuPaul interview: The drag star on being inspired by Bowie, never fitting in, and saying the first thing that comes into your head

    RuPaul interview

    The drag star on being inspired by Bowie, never fitting in, and saying the first thing that comes into your head
    Secrets of comedy couples: What's it like when both you and your partner are stand-ups?

    Secrets of comedy couples

    What's it like when both you and your partner are stand-ups?
    Satya Nadella: As Windows 10 is launched can he return Microsoft to its former glory?

    Satya Nadella: The man to clean up for Windows?

    While Microsoft's founders spend their billions, the once-invincible tech company's new boss is trying to save it
    The best swimwear for men: From trunks to shorts, make a splash this summer

    The best swimwear for men

    From trunks to shorts, make a splash this summer
    Mark Hix recipes: Our chef tries his hand at a spot of summer foraging

    Mark Hix goes summer foraging

     A dinner party doesn't have to mean a trip to the supermarket
    Ashes 2015: With an audacious flourish, home hero Ian Bell ends all debate

    With an audacious flourish, the home hero ends all debate

    Ian Bell advances to Trent Bridge next week almost as undroppable as Alastair Cook and Joe Root, a cornerstone of England's new thinking, says Kevin Garside
    Aaron Ramsey interview: Wales midfielder determined to be centre of attention for Arsenal this season

    Aaron Ramsey interview

    Wales midfielder determined to be centre of attention for Arsenal this season
    Community Shield: Arsene Wenger needs to strike first blow in rivalry with Jose Mourinho

    Community Shield gives Wenger chance to strike first blow in rivalry with Mourinho

    As long as the Arsenal manager's run of games without a win over his Chelsea counterpart continues it will continue to dominate the narrative around the two men
    The unlikely rise of AFC Bournemouth - and what it says about English life

    Unlikely rise of AFC Bournemouth

    Bournemouth’s elevation to football’s top tier is one of the most improbable of recent times. But it’s illustrative of deeper and wider changes in English life
    A Very British Coup, part two: New novel in pipeline as Jeremy Corbyn's rise inspires sequel

    A Very British Coup, part two

    New novel in pipeline as Jeremy Corbyn's rise inspires sequel
    Philae lander data show comets could have brought 'building blocks of life' to Earth

    Philae lander data show comets could have brought 'building blocks of life' to Earth

    Icy dust layer holds organic compounds similar to those found in living organisms