Online dating etiquette

 

With dating comes an unwritten code of behaviour, which is more commonly known as ‘Dating Etiquette’. The internet may have revolutionised age-old rituals of courtship and created an entirely new etiquette for online dating, but just because you’re sat behind a computer, doesn’t mean you should abandon them altogether. Dating etiquette still applies online so in order to succeed, here are some basic principles that must still be adhered to.

What not to say in a first message

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen guys (and it's always guys) crash and burn with an inane ‘wanna chat’ first message - just those two words, nothing else. The obvious response to this message is ‘no’, because quite frankly, if ‘wanna chat’ is the best you can come up with in an attempt to stand out from the competition then you're going to get nowhere fast.

Your first message, your first point of contact with someone you like the look of on the site, needs to stand out and catch their eye. So refrain from the likes of ‘hi beautiful’, ‘you look nice’ and ‘let’s chat’, and put together a thought-out message that won’t end up in the trash. Something that says ‘Hey, I took the time to read your profile, we seem to have things in common and I’d like to know more about you, if you like my profile too’ (not literally though!).

How to say ‘thanks, but no thanks’

If you were approached in a bar by someone you weren’t that interested in you wouldn’t just ignore them, would you? Most likely you would think of a polite way to let them down, for example ‘sorry I’m not looking for a relationship’ or ‘I’ve already got a boyfriend/girlfriend’ sort of thing. Unfortunately, you can’t get away with these excuses online because, well, let’s face it, you are looking for a relationship and that’s entirely why you’ve come here.

So if someone contacts you and they aren't your type or don’t tick your boxes, don’t just ignore them. Respond to them in a way you would like to be responded to. Simply be polite and let them down gently by saying ‘sorry, you’re out of my age range’ or ‘I’m looking for someone who lives a little closer’ and then wish them well in their continued search.

How to cope if you get the ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message

From time to time you may receive the odd ‘thanks, but no thanks’. Now, I’ve seen people respond badly to this kind of message almost in a child-like ‘yeah well I didn’t fancy you anyway’ manner. Please, whatever you do, do not do this. It will only make you look silly.

Rejection is never easy for anyone to take, but it does happen to everyone at some point in their lives. Be grateful that the person has taken the time to actually respond and do the only thing you can do in this situation. Scrape your ego up off the floor, dust yourself down, and continue in your search. After all, you know how the saying goes, there’re plenty more fish...

When should you remove your profile

So you’ve met someone online who you’re interested in, things are going well and you’re not using the site anymore. The question is, do you delete your profile or is it too soon? It can be hard to know what to do in these early stages as you neither want to tempt fate by removing your profile or worse, come across as too eager, nor do you want to keep your profile on the site all the while ignoring messages that you are receiving. The best thing to do here it is to talk it through with your new partner. As you both met online you will both be in the same predicament, so talk it through together and make a joint decision. Most sites will usually let you put your profile on hold or let you delete it and re-activate it should you need it again in the future.

So next time you’re online remember these basics principles, because they could be the difference between fluffing things up and finding something special.

Happy Dating

Independent Dating





News
people
Arts and Entertainment
Joel Edgerton, John Turturro and Christian Bale in Exodus: Gods and Kings
film Ridley Scott reveals truth behind casting decisions of Exodus
News
people
Sport
footballArsenal 2 Borussia Dortmund 0: And they can still top the group
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
Life and Style
ebooksA superb mix of recipes serving up the freshest of local produce in a delicious range of styles
Arts and Entertainment
An unseen image of Kurt Cobain at home featured in the film 'Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck'
filmThe singers widow and former bandmates have approved project
News
Andy Murray with his girlfriend of nine years, Kim Sears who he has got engaged to
peopleWimbledon champion announces engagement to girlfriend Kim Sears
Arts and Entertainment
Jake Quickenden and Edwina Currie are joining the I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! camp
tv
Arts and Entertainment
George Mpanga has been shortlisted for the Critics’ Choice prize
music
News
Albert Camus (left) and Jean-Paul Sartre fell out in 1952 and did not speak again before Camus’s death
people
Arts and Entertainment
Roisin, James and Sanjay in the boardroom
tvReview: This week's failing project manager had to go
News
Ed Miliband visiting the Holocaust museum in Jerusalem. The Labour leader has spoken more openly of his heritage recently
newsAttacks on the Labour leader have coalesced around a sense that he is different, weird, a man apart. But are the barbs more sinister?
Arts and Entertainment
'Felfie' (2014) by Alison Jackson
photographyNew exhibition shows how female creatives are changing the way women are portrayed in advertising
News
i100
Life and Style
Fright night: the board game dates back to at least 1890
life
Environment
The vaquita is being killed by fishermen trying to catch the totoaba fish, which is prized in China
environmentJust 97 of the 'world's cutest' sea mammals remain
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg join forces for Homeless Veterans campaign

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg join forces for Homeless Veterans campaign

It's in all our interests to look after servicemen and women who fall on hard times, say party leaders
Millionaire Sol Campbell wades into wealthy backlash against Labour's mansion tax

Sol Campbell cries foul at Labour's mansion tax

The former England defender joins Myleene Klass, Griff Rhys Jones and Melvyn Bragg in criticising proposals
Nicolas Sarkozy returns: The ex-President is preparing to fight for the leadership of France's main opposition party – but will he win big enough?

Sarkozy returns

The ex-President is preparing to fight for the leadership of France's main opposition party – but will he win big enough?
Is the criticism of Ed Miliband a coded form of anti-Semitism?

Is the criticism of Miliband anti-Semitic?

Attacks on the Labour leader have coalesced around a sense that he is different, weird, a man apart. But is the criticism more sinister?
Ouija boards are the must-have gift this Christmas, fuelled by a schlock horror film

Ouija boards are the must-have festive gift

Simon Usborne explores the appeal - and mysteries - of a century-old parlour game
There's a Good Girl exhibition: How female creatives are changing the way women are portrayed in advertising

In pictures: There's a Good Girl exhibition

The new exhibition reveals how female creatives are changing the way women are portrayed in advertising
UK firm Biscuiteers is giving cookies a makeover - from advent calendars to doll's houses

UK firm Biscuiteers is giving cookies a makeover

It worked with cupcakes, doughnuts and macarons so no wonder someone decided to revamp the humble biscuit
Can SkySaga capture the Minecraft magic?

Can SkySaga capture the Minecraft magic?

It's no surprise that the building game born in Sweden in 2009 and now played by millions, has imitators keen to construct their own mega money-spinner
The King's School is way ahead of the pack when it comes to using the latest classroom technology

Staying connected: The King's School

The school in Cambridgeshire is ahead of the pack when it comes to using the latest classroom technology. Richard Garner discovers how teachers and pupils stay connected
Christmas 2014: 23 best women's perfumes

Festively fragrant: the best women's perfumes

Give a loved one a luxe fragrance this year or treat yourself to a sensual pick-me-up
Arsenal vs Borussia Dortmund: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain celebrates century with trademark display of speed and intuition

Arsenal vs Borussia Dortmund

The Ox celebrates century with trademark display of speed and intuition
Billy Joe Saunders vs Chris Eubank Jnr: When two worlds collide

When two worlds collide

Traveller Billy Joe Saunders did not have a pampered public-school upbringing - unlike Saturday’s opponent Chris Eubank Jnr
Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Drifting and forgotten - turning lives around for ex-soldiers

Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Turning lives around for ex-soldiers

Our partner charities help veterans on the brink – and get them back on their feet
Putin’s far-right ambition: Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU

Putin’s far-right ambition

Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU
Tove Jansson's Moominland: What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?

Escape to Moominland

What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?