Dear Gerry Adams (the actor): Some long-term career advice for the man who reads the Sinn Fein president's soundbites: get into rap music because the broadcasting ban can't last for ever

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Indy Lifestyle Online
I expect you were worried for a while there about your future, with the possibility of the Government lifting the broadcasting ban on your character's voice. And the man himself telling the world that Northern Ireland is in the 'final phase of conflict'. It must be a relief to know the ban is going to remain and your job is safe for now, after you have put so much into the part.

Gerry Adams is I'm sure a challenge. And you've done well. There's never been a hint of emotion in anything he has 'said' since the broadcasting ban was slapped on Sinn Fein. Clearly that master of the passionless voice, Ian 'I speak your weight' McDonald (he of the Falklands War announcements), has been a big influence on your technique.

Now you're a regular part of our news bulletins in the UK, I've come to admire the way your words always come just a fraction of a second behind Mr Adams's lip movements. Consistently getting the lip-synch wrong must take great concentration as you sit in darkened dubbing studios.

But I wonder if you've ever sought to break out, demand recognition, run into the circled area at BBC television studios and shout: 'No more] Unless I get top billing, Gerry Adams is going silent tonight.'

In view of your obvious talent, can I suggest that you start thinking about your long-term future? This voice ban really can't last for ever. Of course, your fans will all listen out for your voice on imported Brazilian soaps, or those dreadful Swiss and German children's television series, such as Belle and Sebastian. You might even end up on the German porn channel where, instead of hearing you say, 'That is something for the IRA to decide', we'd hear, 'Honey, I'm home. Goodness, what have you done to my dressing gown]'

I know your opposite number in Dublin recently lost his job when the Irish government removed its ban. So maybe you could call him for advice.

But meanwhile here's my suggestion: now that Gerry has gone big in the US media, think about the new opportunities this might open up. Inevitably the marketing men in the US will want a record from your man, maybe a rap single: MC Jazzy G. Adams and the Rep Rap. 'Attention. Detention. All I want is Clarification. Know what I'm sayin'?' The BBC would naturally ban it, so it would go straight to Number One, and you'd have to sing it on Top of the Pops.

Of course maybe you've been hoping for some tougher material to broaden your character. Perhaps a Dimbleby lecture in which Mr Adams could go to the lectern and the audience would hear: 'Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we also present 'an actor'.' Maybe at long last you'd be allowed to take a bow.

The possibilities are there, but you must start mapping your career plan. There's probably still some time left but, as they say in showbiz, it's never too early to call your agent.

(Photograph omitted)

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