Dear Jesse Helms

We in the Washington press corps have been worried that you might be going soft, but we're glad to see you back to your right-wing, commie- hating, good old boy self

First of all, welcome back. Quite frankly, as a newsmaker, you've been a bit of a disappointment since the Republicans took control of Congress last November. Jesse Helms, Capitol Hill's certified hard-right foreign policy bovverboy, as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee? We thought there would be a rumpus a day. Well, you did get off to a promising start by declaring Bill Clinton unfit to be Commander-in-Chief, and warning he would need a bodyguard if he visited your home state of North Carolina. But since then, next to nothing, apart from some kind words for your old liberal foe Warren Christopher which betrayed alarming signs of moderation. In short, Senator, we thought you were becoming something of a statesman.

But in the last few days, things have started to look up. First there was the Benazir Bhutto blunder, when you introduced the leader of Pakistan as the "Prime Minister of India" - just the way for the US to make friends and influence people on the subcontinent. But that slip was, one presumes, an innocent mistake. Not so your ranting and raving to the Cuban exiles in Miami. That was vintage, outrageous Jesse, calling for a full naval blockade of the island, likening Fidel Castro to Hitler, and suggesting that the wimpish Europeans and Canadians were appeasers to rank with Neville Chamberlain in 1938. And that line, "Where I come from, when you do business with a tyrant, you're dealing in blood money," was a bit rich, coming from a man who defended the apartheid regime in South Africa, not to mention such unlovely politicians as Roberto d'Aubuisson in El Salvador, linked to paramilitary death squads.

But this time you've rendered a serious service as well. Once again, you have unwittingly demonstrated the spite and sheer stupidity of America's current policy towards Cuba, of which you are no more than its most extreme proponent. I've tried and I've tried, but I just cannot understand why America from Bill Clinton downward continues to be so exercised about the ageing dictator of a small and bankrupt country. Russian missiles and Russian money have long since gone. Cuba is not the slightest conceivable security risk to the US. In the international human rights league, that "evil, cruel, murderous, barbarous thug" ranks as a good deal less cruel and barbarous than some of your old chums. And hasn't it crossed your mind that the quickest way to bring down Castro might be to let Americans trade with, invest in, and visit Cuba as much as they wanted?

The more the US rails against him, the easier it is for Castro to tap Cuban nationalism. Now I know the votes of Miami's Cuban-Americans are important. But really, is Florida going to vote Democrat any time soon? But enough of such musings. For now, it's just good to see you out there swinging.