e-mail > female

From: ClarissaH@greatestates.co.uk

anna, would you sleep with bill clinton?

conducted a quick straw poll around flat. christina says yes definitely. jon says only if he asked nicely. i'm undecided. wd have done so last week, now have gone off him since he turned all weedy and red-eyed. i think i'd rather have hillary.

what do you think? love Cxxx

From annahowe@richardsons.com

answer=yes in that wd not turn down chance to sleep with leader of free world instead of usual world of freeloaders. i think you'll find most people agree with me. Check.

anna

From ClarissaH

did as you suggested, asked everyone at work (so far yes=11, no=5). didn't realise hated boss man mr solmes ("call me roger. i do allow it") was lurking.

"Clarissa," he said. "Glad to see you are focusing on selling that tricky W11 property."

oh damn.

"many people have remarked on my similarity to president clinton," he leered and sauntered off. urggghhhh. only similarity is his crappy chat- up lines. wouldn't go anywhere near his oval office.

From annahowe

more people went for hillary here.

maybe solmes fancies u. hahaha.

From ClarissaH

god no! i've now got another black mark against my name. i know i hate doing this job but how humiliating to get sacked from something you're doing as a stop-gap.

cheer me up quick. Cxxx

From annahowe

look on the bright side. if christina told u she'd sleep with Clinton it means u r on speaking terms again.

From ClarissaH

um, it's a bit hairy to be honest, in reality flat warfare simmering nicely because no one will confess to brie theft. god you wd have thought that christina had lost a family heirloom the way she carried on. shd have listened to yr warnings about moving in.

From annahowe

you forget how well i know u. have to say brie theft seems oddly familiar.

From ClarissaH

ok it was actually me but it's the only time i've nicked anything of hers so if i come clean she will think i am demon milksnatcher, moisturiser thief and video spook. see my problem?

From annahowe

ok point taken. how is home life anyway?

From ClarissaH

u know christina. came home last night she was on the phone again lounging in the sitting room, a curl of smoke emanating from the side of her mouth (why can't i do that???) and saying "But you must only show the gin the shadow of the vermouth bottle to make a really good martini")

quite clever actually - i know she can't afford to buy any more vermouth at the moment. i wish i cd think of things like that.

at the same time might have to kill her. she spends all her time laughing about estate agents and how unpopular they are when all i want to say is "so how did your interview with Procter & Gamble go? Oh bad luck"

of course i don't say anything like that. i wd hate myself. shouldn't even think it. guilt, guilt, guilt. i must be nicer to her.

From annahowe

ignore her. she just enjoys trying to wind u up.

From ClarissaH

i know i know. in therapy Andrea says i've got to learn to channel my inner anger better. nearly channeled it towards her when she tried to charge me pounds 25 for something purporting to be a crystal which looked like a bit of broken glass from a candlestick holder.

Later

From ClarissaH

in fact if i remember rightly i gave her a candlestick holder for her last birthday. right i'm doing a subtle check of her flat next time.

Oh God, Jon's just rung. He's bringing his new token straight mate Rob round to the flat tonight. so much for night in tracksuit eating tuna pasta. what's worse jon sniggered: "rob says he thinks he knows u very well. he says to say remember sasha's party."

oh no it cdn't be him, cd it?

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