2 If, like me, you are baffled by the ridiculously wide choice of trainers on the market and never know which is the "right" pair to buy, then things are about to get worse! A couple of Aussie whiz kids have designed Royal Elastics. Leg supports for the Queen? No, a new trainer brand "destined to revolutionise and re-define sport and street footwear". Basically, the laces have been replaced with elastic panels, so if at 26 you're still having problems tying your laces, these are the trainers for you. These snazzy slip-ons come in black, white, ecru, khaki and royal blue and look like a hospital shoe. They come in sizes 3-12 and will set you back pounds 65. Enquiries: 01785 819787. And don't forget: the uglier, the trendier.
2 Spotted the amazing Uma Thurman in Agnes B the other day. Some camera- happy Japanese tourists also spied the baseball-capped star and decided to follow her around the shop. The poor girl fell up the stairs, but even managed to do that with style.
2 Princess Stephanie of Monaco continues to live her life in the pages of Hello! magazine, this time modelling for Replay, the company in which she is a partner. Her role at Replay is to work in the Monaco store, supervising the restaurant and occasionally even serving customers!! If you're lucky, she may even sing you a song, model some swimwear, act out a scene from Shakespeare or design a little black dress for you. How many products can a girl endorse and how many careers can a girl have!
2 If you have got more money than sense and you fancy a little something to match your Hermes Kelly bag, you are in luck. Hermes have designed the ultimate accessory for the wrist - the "Kelly Lock" bracelet and the "Medor" with large gilt stud are available in crocodile, lizard or grained calf in red, blue, green and yellow. From pounds 195. Mmm, I'll have three, please. Call 0171 499 8856.
2 Pouring with rain in Islington on Saturday morning. A flashy motor decides to grind to a halt in front of me, for no apparent reason. I was just about to kill the driver, when suddenly out steps that ageing glamourpuss of the literary world, Jackie Collins. In her heavy make-up, dark glasses and sneakers, she braved the rain to run into ye olde second-handie bookie shoppie. I wonder what she was in search of?
2Got too many friends? Feel like you could do with getting rid of a few? The answer is Global Eyeware. Guaranteed to make all your friends refuse to be seen with you this summer. First it was bug eyes, now it's Bobby TV shades. "A limited number of these funky, futuristic shades will be packaged in the form of a backpack, designed to hold and protect the glasses - it's also ideal for stashing all sorts of other stuff!" Stuff, oh, okay. This revolutionary fashion item is the most hideous thing I've ever set eyes on and I, for one, would not be seen dead in a pair. The kind of people who wear these glasses no doubt wear those dreadful Buffalo- platform-break-your-ankles shoes.
2 Speaking of shoes. If you need a new pair, but don't want to leave home to buy them, Shellys, the funky shoe retailers, have teamed up with Littlewoods, Grattan and Great Universal catalogues to take street fashion to all corners of the UK. So relax in your armchair, pick up the phone and order. Enquiries: 0181 450 0066.