Were I able to build the ideal man, he would go something like this. He would have the sex appeal of Gary Oldman, the fingers of Jimmy Page, the wit of Ryan Stiles and the voice of Eddie Izzard. He would drive an Aston Martin and he would wear a Giorgio Armani suit. I have yet to find a man like this, or even one rich enough to afford the suit. But one lives in hope. If only men would realise that a good suit is an investment - you can't beat the cut, the fabric, the sheer damn style. High street labels try, and do very well, but we're talking class here and baby, that costs. AB

Charcoal grey pure wool suit, pounds 995, Giorgio Armani, 37 Sloane Street, London SW1. Tel: 0171 235 6232. Colour as shown only, sizes 46"-56" chest (UK 36"-46").


White eye pencil applied to the inner rim of the eye is meant to give you a wide-eyed look. Sophia Loren used this to great effect in Houseboat (although she used it on the corner of her eyes), and it got her Cary Grant. I am reliably informed by those who wear make-up that this look will be Big This Summer. The Body Shop Colourings range have just launched their White Eye Definer; they call it "high-maintenance make up" and recommend touching it up throughout the day. It contains sesame oil and cocoglycerides (a deriative of coconut oil which melts at room temperature), so it is easy to apply and won't drag the skin. Mercifully, as one who gets wide-eyed just at the thought of applying make-up, I don't need it. AB

White Eye Definer, pounds 2.30, The Body Shop Colourings from branches of Body Shop nationwide.