3D snowmen jumpers? Sorry, but they're just naff

 

It will come as no surprise that I've been shopping for others this week (apart from the fluffy slippers from Gap that I treated myself to – I'm planning on cutting off the tops and pretending they're S/S Celine. Not really).

But now I can see the light at the end of the present-buying tunnel all I have left to prepare for is what I'm going to wear for the big day. No not that big day. CHRISTMAS! Can you tell I'm excited?

Generally I like to dress up a bit smart, preferably in sparkles. But I have nothing new that fits those criteria, a state of affairs that does not fill me with Christmas cheer. In fact, this year I've passed the glitter baton on to my two-year-old niece, who will be receiving a silver lurex dress from Cos from me (its OK, she can't read yet). It matches the top I bought in the summer. Before you ask... Yes, I did this on purpose, and I'm going to force her to pose for some Harold and Hilda (if you don't remember them, ask your mum) pictures with me. Indoors only though, I promise.

What I really want is to wear a cosy jumper on turkey and bread sauce day, but I don't want to be mistaken for one of those "ironic" Christmas jumper wearers. No longer do they just form part of the east London cool-kids uniform. Oh, no. Just about everyone has joined the crap jumper club. Been invited to a Christmas jumper day at work/party/dinner/gathering this festive period? Thought so. Take a walk down Brick Lane and every vintage shop has a rail of overpriced novelty knits on offer which are about as vintage as my new slippers. The only thing ironic about those hideous jumpers is that they are now mainstream. Their naff-ness is simply just naff.

On a search for an un-crap jumper for myself, I have decided I would most like to wear a jumper from Peter Jensen. It's got a bunny pattern on and I love it. It's on just the right side of novelty and I will be able to wear it year long, not just in the month of December

Another hot contender is something by Markus Lupfer, designer of tongue-in-cheek knitwear. He's more akin to putting a sequined burger/ice cream/lips/perfume bottle on a sweater than a 3D snowman. Now that's what you call ironic.

Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Fashion

    Recruitment Genius: Field Engineer

    £15000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company has 30 years of ex...

    Recruitment Genius: Customer Account Manager

    £27000 - £33000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast growing cloud based I...

    Ashdown Group: Product Marketing Manager - Software & Services

    £35000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: Product Marketing Manager...

    Recruitment Genius: Exhibition Sales Executive - OTE £35,000

    £16000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An expanding B2B exhibition and...

    Day In a Page

    General Election 2015: The masterminds behind the scenes

    The masterminds behind the election

    How do you get your party leader to embrace a message and then stick to it? By employing these people
    Machine Gun America: The amusement park where teenagers go to shoot a huge range of automatic weapons

    Machine Gun America

    The amusement park where teenagers go to shoot a huge range of automatic weapons
    The ethics of pet food: Why are we are so selective in how we show animals our love?

    The ethics of pet food

    Why are we are so selective in how we show animals our love?
    How Tansy Davies turned 9/11 into her opera 'Between Worlds'

    How a composer turned 9/11 into her opera 'Between Worlds'

    Tansy Davies makes her operatic debut with a work about the attack on the Twin Towers. Despite the topic, she says it is a life-affirming piece
    11 best bedside tables

    11 best bedside tables

    It could be the first thing you see in the morning, so make it work for you. We find night stands, tables and cabinets to wake up to
    Italy vs England player ratings: Did Andros Townsend's goal see him beat Harry Kane and Wayne Rooney to top marks?

    Italy vs England player ratings

    Did Townsend's goal see him beat Kane and Rooney to top marks?
    Danny Higginbotham: An underdog's tale of making the most of it

    An underdog's tale of making the most of it

    Danny Higginbotham on being let go by Manchester United, annoying Gordon Strachan, utilising his talents to the full at Stoke and plunging into the world of analysis
    Audley Harrison's abusers forget the debt he's due, but Errol Christie will always remember what he owes the police

    Steve Bunce: Inside Boxing

    Audley Harrison's abusers forget the debt he's due, but Errol Christie will always remember what he owes the police
    No postcode? No vote

    Floating voters

    How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
    Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

    By Reason of Insanity

    Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
    Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

    Power dressing is back

    But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
    Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

    Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

    Caves were re-opened to the public
    'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

    Vince Cable interview

    'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
    Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

    Promises, promises

    But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
    The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

    The death of a Gaza fisherman

    He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat