3D snowmen jumpers? Sorry, but they're just naff

It will come as no surprise that I've been shopping for others this week (apart from the fluffy slippers from Gap that I treated myself to – I'm planning on cutting off the tops and pretending they're S/S Celine. Not really).

But now I can see the light at the end of the present-buying tunnel all I have left to prepare for is what I'm going to wear for the big day. No not that big day. CHRISTMAS! Can you tell I'm excited?

Generally I like to dress up a bit smart, preferably in sparkles. But I have nothing new that fits those criteria, a state of affairs that does not fill me with Christmas cheer. In fact, this year I've passed the glitter baton on to my two-year-old niece, who will be receiving a silver lurex dress from Cos from me (its OK, she can't read yet). It matches the top I bought in the summer. Before you ask... Yes, I did this on purpose, and I'm going to force her to pose for some Harold and Hilda (if you don't remember them, ask your mum) pictures with me. Indoors only though, I promise.

What I really want is to wear a cosy jumper on turkey and bread sauce day, but I don't want to be mistaken for one of those "ironic" Christmas jumper wearers. No longer do they just form part of the east London cool-kids uniform. Oh, no. Just about everyone has joined the crap jumper club. Been invited to a Christmas jumper day at work/party/dinner/gathering this festive period? Thought so. Take a walk down Brick Lane and every vintage shop has a rail of overpriced novelty knits on offer which are about as vintage as my new slippers. The only thing ironic about those hideous jumpers is that they are now mainstream. Their naff-ness is simply just naff.

On a search for an un-crap jumper for myself, I have decided I would most like to wear a jumper from Peter Jensen. It's got a bunny pattern on and I love it. It's on just the right side of novelty and I will be able to wear it year long, not just in the month of December

Another hot contender is something by Markus Lupfer, designer of tongue-in-cheek knitwear. He's more akin to putting a sequined burger/ice cream/lips/perfume bottle on a sweater than a 3D snowman. Now that's what you call ironic.