The Best Shot from the Back Award
Vintage glamour (yes, that again) is the order of the day here. This fishtail sequinned gown courtesy of Christian Dior – who upstaged every other designer on the Bafta red carpet this time round – is perfectly lovely, if in a somewhat obvious way.
The I Believe I Can Fly Award
This is the perfect – and perfectly whimsical – choice for a beautiful young woman who looks not unlike a winged creature, such as a swan or a fairy. The dress is Chanel haute couture – which can only ever be a good thing. Especially if you're French.
The Good Enough to Eat Award
Pastel colours are always a challenge and this year's awardsceremony proved no exception. Ms Blunt looks like a giant Mento. Pale and interesting is good. Pale and conservative, on the other hand, is just, well, conservative.
The I Have Been Planted In Leicester Square Award
Quick! Someone help Keira Knightley. She looks like a tinsel-bedecked Christmas tree, abandoned, legless, in the middle of the red carpet. This is a damsel-in-distress dress if ever there was one.
The Emu Rise Again Award
Blimey! No wonder the paps love Ms Winstone, who is not holding back where her best assets are concerned on this occasion – or indeed on any other. Lose the belt and perhaps three inches from the hem and maybe – just maybe – this one would have worked.
The Still Fabulous after All These Years Award
OK, so not everyone would step out in a pair of Carolina Herrera animal-print trousers on this particular occasion but it really doesn't matter what Julie Christie wears. She is a goddess. Enough said.
The Bit of Rough Who's Really Quite Posh Award
How handsome is this multi-award-winning method actor? The hair is tousled, the face is aged and brooding (in a Heathcliffe kind of a way), and the pierced ears certainly suggest piratical qualities. Phwooar.
The Boring But Nice Award
It's black, it's suitably long and lean, and it's perfectly flattering. This is an elegant and sophisticated solution to red-carpet dressing, even if it's not overly inspiring. And nobody could argue that this is one of the most beautiful women of our age.
The Services to Fashion Award
This haute couture ensemble, courtesy of John Galliano at Christian Dior, has the most dramatic colour, the most extreme of silhouettes and is breathtakingly beautiful. So, of course, is its wearer. Best of all, Ms Swinton is not wearing a scrap of make-up and still steals the show.
The My Hands are SuperGlued To My Hip Award
Has Newton got the same hairdresser as Sienna Miller? Or the same choreographer as Shirley Bassey? This Seventies-style pose is not helping a dress that is, let's say, confused in its appeal – part girlish, part ultra-hard vixen.
The Channel Five Remake of 'I, Claudius' Award
Oh dear. Surely women didn't look quite this pneumatic in ancient times. There's certainly no sign of it at the British Museum or, indeed, the Atheneum. That didn't stop Ms Silvstedt – whoever she is – giving it her best shot, though.
The Glenda Jackson Gratuitous Nudity Award
Is there any occasion for which Ms Miller will decline to show off her assets? The dress would be a little too covered up – were it not for the transparency. And her hair is too 'done' for a woman who prides herself on indie appeal.