Gemma tries it on: 'I need to get my pasty-white, chubby body into a bridesmaid's dress'

 

The trouble with having friends is that sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do. At the tender age of 27, I was due to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends, but she put the wedding on hold. Totally fine by me, but I swore blind I didn't want to be an 'old' bridesmaid and 30 was my cut-off age. Wrinkles and poofy dresses don't gel in my opinion.

Now that milestone has been and gone I thought I was safe, but after a near-miss in the summer (another friend, thankfully, scaled down her girl gang before her wedding for fear of looking like a crazy bridezilla with her groupies so I had a lucky escape), I have been asked again.

Don't get me wrong, I have been a maid before and adored every minute: my eight-year-old self, plus sisters and cousins, all 14 of us dressed identically in pretty silk dresses with net-slips, floral headdresses and rag-curled hair. We looked pretty damn gorgeous. But I'm no longer pre-pubescent and I look terrible with curly hair.

My best friend and one-time housemate, who moved to the other side of the world a couple of years ago, is the one getting hitched. I couldn't turn down an opportunity to see her, or a trip to Australia.

We started talking dresses and sweetly she asked what colour and style I preferred – being so far away I couldn't do the shopping trips, so said I was easy, pick what she liked.

A couple of weeks later I got an excited call: she had bought the dress! I asked her what it was like and she answered "It's in a different colour, but Google Miranda Kerr at the Instyle awards." What?! If there is one thing I'm NOT, that's a Victoria's Secret model. With only little strips of fabric covering her boobs, and the gaping holes around the back – she looked more or less naked.

Great, not only do I need to get my pasty-white, post-Christmas, chubby body into a bridesmaid's dress, everyone is going to see my arse. "I've ordered you a size six."

For three weeks I have waited for the dress to arrive, trying to conjure up body-covering methods. Maybe I could get one of those ice-skater, skin-tone body suits? Or get the back sewn up? Wear a vest?

I can't tell you how relieved I was when it arrived – it was much tamer. Miranda had been wearing a pimped-up version: it seems she has no problem in showing people her bottom. With a little, ahem, altering, it's lovely.

The colour (a secret) is beautiful, and my relief was so great that I've completely forgotten about the lack of material over my breasts. I will worry about that next month.

Gemma Hayward is Fashion Editor of 'The Independent'

g.hayward@independent.co.uk

Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Fashion

    Recruitment Genius: Customer Service Advisors

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This winner of the best new business in Shrops...

    Recruitment Genius: Customer Service Manager

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This winner of the best new business in shrops...

    Recruitment Genius: Account Manager - Email Marketing Services

    £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company are looking for a highly or...

    SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Manchester

    £18000 - £23000 per annum + competitive: SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultan...

    Day In a Page

    Revealed: Why Mohammed Emwazi chose the 'safe option' of fighting for Isis, rather than following his friends to al-Shabaab in Somalia

    Why Mohammed Emwazi chose Isis

    His friends were betrayed and killed by al-Shabaab
    'The solution can never be to impassively watch on while desperate people drown'
An open letter to David Cameron: Building fortress Europe has had deadly results

    Open letter to David Cameron

    Building the walls of fortress Europe has had deadly results
    Tory candidates' tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they seem - you don't say!

    You don't say!

    Tory candidates' election tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they appear
    Mubi: Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash

    So what is Mubi?

    Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash all the time
    The impossible job: how to follow Kevin Spacey?

    The hardest job in theatre?

    How to follow Kevin Spacey
    Armenian genocide: To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie

    Armenian genocide and the 'good Turks'

    To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie
    Lou Reed: The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond the biographers' and memoirists' myths

    'Lou needed care, but what he got was ECT'

    The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond
    Migrant boat disaster: This human tragedy has been brewing for four years and EU states can't say they were not warned

    This human tragedy has been brewing for years

    EU states can't say they were not warned
    Women's sportswear: From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help

    Women's sportswear

    From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help
    Hillary Clinton's outfits will be as important as her policies in her presidential bid

    Clinton's clothes

    Like it or not, her outfits will be as important as her policies
    NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

    Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

    A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
    Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

    Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

    The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
    How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

    How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

    Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
    From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

    The wars that come back to haunt us

    David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
    Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

    Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

    A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders