I received a pair of black-and-white striped Marimekko pyjamas for Christmas. They have a T-shirt top and a pair of long john-style bottoms with a Y-front opening – a bit weird as last time I looked I didn't have a penis – but nevertheless they're great! Every time I put them on, the giver of this kind gift calls me the Hamburglar, but little does he know he has bought me some rather fashionable bed clothes. Looking like a fast-food baddie has never been so chic.
Stripes may not be the most shocking trend to emerge for the summer. The Breton top never leaves the fairer season – that Brigitte Bardot reference will simply never tire. But this time around things have turned bolder: colours have to be in shocking contrast, lines are wide and vivid and not at all wishy-washy. Designers showing at each of the fashion capitals put this pattern on the runway ready for spring, with Moschino, Michael Kors, Dolce & Gabbana, Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, Christian Dior and Jonathan Saunders all featuring. Who could argue with that impressive roster?
I wouldn't normally tell you to channel Beetlejuice or a convict, but that's exactly what I'm doing. After all, that's what Marc Jacobs, Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana did. Kind of. As long as you lay off the decaying face paint and leave the shackles at home, you'll be good to go.
While Marc Jacobs focused on stripes with a Sixties silhouette in the form of boxy mini-dresses and shrunken-sleeved skirt-suits, D&G's printed collection (£595, net-a-porter.com) is begging to be worn on some rustic Italian holiday. But let's face it, one of these cotton dresses would look great just about everywhere.
Back to the reality of my bank balance: I had a look in Zara for some slash-priced stripes and found two things to buy. The first is a monochrome dress (£25.99, zara.com) which is of respectable length and pleasantly roomy; the second, a pair of two-toned heels. I know what I'll be wearing on my next trip to McDonald's.