I've heard one-pieces are the swimwear du jour. Is this supposed to make me feel better?
Yes, but it shouldn't. Let's be realistic – at this level of undress, a few extra square inches of fabric will not hide any sins. However, the good news is they won't make you look any worse either.
So what do I look for in a onesie?
If you want to be bang on trend, channel one-piece pioneer Rihanna. Though not wearing one when our Style Shrinks caught her, she favours complicated cut-away styles that involve less material than an eye-patch, usually neon bright.
Anything less carnivalesque?
A more substantial number in black, navy or – for the more daring – white, with a halter-neck or shoe-string straps, is a nice classic. Polka dots and nautical stripes are perennial winners, too.
Sounds more mumsy than onesie
It's how you wear it that decides the glam factor. If you're looking for a middle way, consider this red Biba Goddess swimsuit (£55, houseoffraser.co.uk) – a little ruching is flattering and here says "body-con" rather than "shapewear". Alternatively, luxe swimwear brand Jets has a nice selection (my-wardrobe.com).
Skirt-suits don't hide your bum, they highlight it. Leave them to 1950s pin-ups.