Ready To Wear: Grace Jones rocked but other Jubilee looks flopped
Leave it to the attendees of the Diamond Jubilee Concert to come up with every fashion faux pas in the book– and not just we, the sooty-faced, Union Jack-waving commoners.
First up, JLS. The violent emerald green that this conversely studiously unremarkable boy band chose to parade was only upstaged by the fact that they appeared to be aspiring to some sort of modern-day attempt at co-ordinated dressing, Grace Kelly style. This was hardly achieved with the finesse of a neurosurgeon. There was a green jacket here, green trousers, an emerald panel on a baseball jacket, an emerald-green trainer there. Finally, an emerald-green accent of colour (yes, really) was cunningly included in the form of an emerald-green earpiece. Woeful.
Next: more piping on a lapel than has been seen since the 1980s and it wasn't a good idea then, either. Stand up and be counted, some woman of a certain age in the royal box (knock me down with a feather if it wasn't Norma Major) in a white jacket with blue piping on a lapel so wide and sharply defined that further emphasis was not called for. Then there was Sir Cliff Richard's blush-pink (blush pink!) two-piece complete with white piping that begged the question: does a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, living strawberry daiquiri need more embellishment?
Nul points, too, to Annie Lennox's spectacularly stupid angel wings. "There must be an angel...." Geddit? And could someone please tell the artist formerly known as Cheryl Cole that glamour in this day and age isn't judged by the size of a gratuitous explosion of sequins/feathers/ tulle at the hem. it just makes anyone wearing it look like they grew out of – and/or are rooted to – the ground.
The exceptions that proved the rule: Elton John in rose sparkle with shades to match (the aforementioned Kelly meets Liberace); Kylie Minogue as an unashamedly slutty Pearly Queen; the Queen herself, glorious in gold, and, of course – inevitably – Grace Jones, a goddess of a woman whose Philip Treacy hat and moulded corset left everyone else in the shade.
As my good friend Lee opined: "Outstanding."
Life & Style blogs
Revolutionary genetic drug trial will herald 'new era' in the fight against cancer
Peak District National Park celebrates 63rd birthday (and its stunning views) with a Google Doodle
Babies cry at night to stop mothers procreating, scientists claim
Naked yoga: the bare truth - it's already big in the US, and has now landed here
Kim Jong-un's haircut: The Independent heads to Ealing to try out the dictator's do
- 1 Poveglia: 'World's most haunted island' up for sale...is anyone brave enough to buy it?
- 2 Babies cry at night to stop mothers procreating, scientists claim
- 3 24 people applied for the 'world's toughest job', here are their interviews
- 4 Andre Johnson: Wu-Tang Clan-discovered rapper severed his penis and jumped from LA building
- 5 Mrs Doubtfire 2: Robin Williams set to star in sequel to 1993 comedy
£150.00 per week: QA Apprenticeships: This company is a company that specializ...
£153.75 per week: QA Apprenticeships: This company is an innovative outsourcin...
£150.00 per week: QA Apprenticeships: This company has been providing on site ...
£150.00 per week: QA Apprenticeships: We've been supplying best of breed peopl...