Style shrinks: Our experts analyse Carol Vorderman's barmaid-on-the-school-run style

 

The shirt

Gemma Hayward: I'm confused by this choice of blouse: is she already scouting for a panto role? Or perhaps she's just on her way to a Bavarian beerhouse?

Hugh Montgomery: Move over, Kirstie: judging by this wonderful piece of napkin origami, there's a new home-crafts doyenne in town.

The jeans

Gemma: Rather embarrassingly, Carol has a rip in her jeans. You'd have thought someone would have told her. She'll get a cold knee...

Hugh: We completely understand the disproportionate pleasure afforded by the feeble transgression of wearing ripped jeans and therefore say: Keep it up, Vorders.

The shoes

Gemma: She's finished off this look with army-green heels. They're not offensive, and they go with the jeans. But with that bosom on show, you don't really notice the shoes, do you?

Hugh: Hmm, this faux-military footwear is very much "All Saints stumbling out of the Met Bar circa 1997", so how she thought these work without cargo pants, a shandy and sambuca chaser, we have no idea.

The accessories

Gemma: I spot a serious businesswoman handbag, though the rest of the outfit tells a different story. And, by the by, she really looks like Susan Sarandon, doesn't she?

Hugh: Right you are, Gemma! It's like Thelma and Louise plunged down the Grand Canyon into a vortex and somehow ended up on a school-run in Surrey.

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