Gemma Hayward: It's obvious that Kim Kardashian doesn't favour the natural look, but the too-long extensions combine with the dodgy-looking fringe to look like a 1980s Cher wig.
Hugh Montgomery: Oh, Kim, how you disappoint us! "I decided to change my twitter background to nothing. i wanna be more simple in 2012," you opined to your ever-expectant Twitter army as the New Year beckoned. And then you go and spoil it all by doing something stupid like this Xena: Warrior fringe.
Gemma: Maybe she just likes to show off the amount of Swarovski she owns, or maybe the multiple bangles are there to replace the wedding bling she recently had to stop wearing. Either way, with that over-the-top dress, jewellery simply isn't required.
Hugh: Did you know Kim recently bought three of Liz Taylor's bracelets in order to absorb her icon's energy? We can only assume these superficially ropey bangles boast similarly transcendental properties.
Gemma: For such a figure-hugging dress, the sleeves are weirdly roomy – and with so much going on up top already (ahem), the embellished neckline is too much. I don't know where to look!
Hugh: Fairy-tale weddings may come and go, but never let it be said that Kim is fickle when it comes to the important things – such as her strict adherence to a neo-classicist look that leads from Rome to Russ Meyer.
Gemma: Kim isn't the first celebrity on this page who has owned these peep-toed silver court shoes... must be a red-carpet trend. Or maybe they were in the sale?
Hugh: These metallic Louboutins are just the thing to accessorise such a redoubtably sheeny sensibility.