Regular readers of this column will know that when J Brand discontinued its Steve boyfriend jeans (below), this particular denim addict was nothing short of bereft. The best cut for me personally ever, Steve was skinny at the hips, wide-legged and low-slung without ever being rude. All of this was only added to by the fact that he came, as do all J Brand jeans, sans logo and in suitably dark and discreetly distressed denim to boot. Steve bit the dust, though, when I caught him on a doorknob, at which point discreetly distressed transformed into destroyed in a matter of seconds. And oh, how I mourned him.
And then the search started for a substitute pair. Friends travelling to New York were burdened with the task of scouring Saks, Barneys, Bergdorf et al for Steve – to no avail. They didn't know him like I do – half of them had never even heard of him. The usual online suspects – Net-a-Porter, My-wardrobe, Browns – meanwhile, failed to deliver Steve in my size; such was his popularity, he'd sold out.
A few months ago now, Steve turned up on a website based in Jersey, home to Alan Whicker, Bergerac and now Steve. I snapped him up. He's a bit too big though. And then, as if by magic, Steve reappeared, in the Matches sale, a single Steve and, amazingly, he fits like the proverbial glove. He'd clearly been languishing beneath a pile of skinnies, alone and unloved, and had suddenly resurfaced,his Siren call reaching me just in the nick of time.
I'm wearing him now, basking safe in the knowledge that he was not only half his original price, but also might well be the last of his kind in the world. Steve is an endangered species and as such I must protect him. If I had the skill to clone him in a laboratory I would do so. I might even cross-breed him, hooking him up with Current Elliott's boyfriend jeans, maybe, or Citizens of Humanity's, both of which would make for handsome offspring. Or failing that, and more simply, J Brand might like to re-issue him – stranger things have happened.
Susannah Frankel is Fashion Editor of The Independent