Ready to Wear: 'My mum wouldn't be caught dead in Crocs. Me? I wear them to the shops'

 

"I can't believe you're wearing Crocs," says my mother, who is far too chic a woman to ever think of so doing herself.

I am indeed. They are blue. They are a whopping size 9. And they officially belong to my son who, incidentally, wouldn't be seen dead in them, either.

They're finishing my look, obviously, which otherwise consists of an also blue Theory sundress. My hair is tied on top of my head where it looks, I believe, not unlike a curly pineapple.

This is by no means the only time I have been seen in clothing that no less than two generations – one older, one younger than mine – believe should be consigned to the bottom drawer, or even the dustbin.

Let me think… My favourite vests are from Muji and I seem to have owned them since the late 1990s. I daren't throw them away, as not only are they – unbelievably – still quite nice, but also the indestructible nature of the fibres they are made from would be bad for the planet, surely. I've got ripped, faded blue jeans, too, which are overly reminiscent of denim circa Club Tropicana for anyone old enough to remember it to consider fashionable. It's just that they're so soft. They're like tracksuit bottoms, in fact, which only makes me want to hang onto them more, carefully folded alongside all my other tracksuit bottoms… What am I saying?

And what of leggings, the 100 per cent Lycra kind: no new-fangled jeggings for me. Mine are cropped just below the knee and finished with a row of three white buttons that are, debatably, a detail too far (thank you, American Apparel). I look like Louie Spence in them, I'm told, and I don't think that's meant as a compliment.

Dressing to impress, at least some might think, is something that goes hand in hand with a lifetime spent thinking and writing about fashion. In fact, more often than not – and for me at least – when off duty quite the opposite is the case. No, I don't sleep with a Celine handbag tucked under my pillow or wearing a vintage 1930s petticoat.

"Actually, if I say Crocs with a sundress are fashionable then maybe that means they are," I duly inform my mum, who remains sceptical. As indeed, when Monday morning comes around again, and I unthinkingly actually go out of my front door to buy the papers in them, do I.

Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Fashion

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Environmental Adviser - Maternity Cover

    £37040 - £43600 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The UK's export credit agency a...

    Recruitment Genius: CBM & Lubrication Technician

    £25000 - £27500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides a compreh...

    Recruitment Genius: Care Worker - Residential Emergency Service

    £16800 - £19500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Would you like to join an organ...

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Landscaper

    £25000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: In the last five years this com...

    Day In a Page

    The long walk west: they fled war in Syria, only to get held up in Hungary – now hundreds of refugees have set off on foot for Austria

    They fled war in Syria...

    ...only to get stuck and sidetracked in Hungary
    From The Prisoner to Mad Men, elaborate title sequences are one of the keys to a great TV series

    Title sequences: From The Prisoner to Mad Men

    Elaborate title sequences are one of the keys to a great TV series. But why does the art form have such a chequered history?
    Giorgio Armani Beauty's fabric-inspired foundations: Get back to basics this autumn

    Giorgio Armani Beauty's foundations

    Sumptuous fabrics meet luscious cosmetics for this elegant look
    From stowaways to Operation Stack: Life in a transcontinental lorry cab

    Life from the inside of a trucker's cab

    From stowaways to Operation Stack, it's a challenging time to be a trucker heading to and from the Continent
    Kelis interview: The songwriter and sauce-maker on cooking for Pharrell and crying over potatoes

    Kelis interview

    The singer and sauce-maker on cooking for Pharrell
    Refugee crisis: David Cameron lowered the flag for the dead king of Saudi Arabia - will he do the same honour for little Aylan Kurdi?

    Cameron lowered the flag for the dead king of Saudi Arabia...

    But will he do the same honour for little Aylan Kurdi, asks Robert Fisk
    Our leaders lack courage in this refugee crisis. We are shamed by our European neighbours

    Our leaders lack courage in this refugee crisis. We are shamed by our European neighbours

    Humanity must be at the heart of politics, says Jeremy Corbyn
    Joe Biden's 'tease tour': Could the US Vice-President be testing the water for a presidential run?

    Joe Biden's 'tease tour'

    Could the US Vice-President be testing the water for a presidential run?
    Britain's 24-hour culture: With the 'leisured society' a distant dream we're working longer and less regular hours than ever

    Britain's 24-hour culture

    With the 'leisured society' a distant dream we're working longer and less regular hours than ever
    Diplomacy board game: Treachery is the way to win - which makes it just like the real thing

    The addictive nature of Diplomacy

    Bullying, betrayal, aggression – it may be just a board game, but the family that plays Diplomacy may never look at each other in the same way again
    Lady Chatterley's Lover: Racy underwear for fans of DH Lawrence's equally racy tome

    Fashion: Ooh, Lady Chatterley!

    Take inspiration from DH Lawrence's racy tome with equally racy underwear
    8 best children's clocks

    Tick-tock: 8 best children's clocks

    Whether you’re teaching them to tell the time or putting the finishing touches to a nursery, there’s a ticker for that
    Charlie Austin: Queens Park Rangers striker says ‘If the move is not right, I’m not going’

    Charlie Austin: ‘If the move is not right, I’m not going’

    After hitting 18 goals in the Premier League last season, the QPR striker was the great non-deal of transfer deadline day. But he says he'd preferred another shot at promotion
    Isis profits from destruction of antiquities by selling relics to dealers - and then blowing up the buildings they come from to conceal the evidence of looting

    How Isis profits from destruction of antiquities

    Robert Fisk on the terrorist group's manipulation of the market to increase the price of artefacts
    Labour leadership: Andy Burnham urges Jeremy Corbyn voters to think again in last-minute plea

    'If we lose touch we’ll end up with two decades of the Tories'

    In an exclusive interview, Andy Burnham urges Jeremy Corbyn voters to think again in last-minute plea