Buy me: naughty nails

Calling all nail fetishists! Recently there has been a positive explosion of nail colours designed to enliven tired talons. Get rid of "deep plum", "dusky pink" and other such uninspiring shades. Forget the sold-out, over-priced and vampishly deep shades of Chanel. Wake-up honeys, that's old news.

Painting my claws is my daily fetish and selecting the right shade is no problem. Mismatch or perfect match, who really cares? You don't need perfectly manicured nails to carry off these spectrum-spanning colours - they make horrifically chewed stumps look simply gorgeous and by the looks of things it's definitely possible to wear a different colour every day of the year.

While brushing my teeth, my mind goes into overdrive: "Hmm, will it be car-paint blue - a slick accompaniment to the latest Gucci loafers? Or what about silver to match the wraparound mirror shades?" Today, I plumped for a subtle neon pink to go with an equally neon Patrick Cox mac. Such ab fab shades will complement or clash with your chosen look, achieving whatever the desired effect. They make it possible to surreptitiously startle and intrigue any onlooker with a quick flick of the hand. Under the UV lights on a Saturday night, fluoro colours are a guaranteed talking point. I do think that acid house orange has come a decade too late, although lurid greens and yellows that glow in the dark team up beautifully with that Helmut Lang reflective suit.

Now I'm hooked, I'm a nasty nail junky who changes her nail colour as often as her underwear. But why restrict it to the fairer sex? There is something wildly attractive about a man who dares to don shades on his finger tips. My dilemma now is no longer finding the nail polish to match the clothes but clothes to match the nails. My one regret is that they don't come patterned: I'd love tartan for my Westwood bondage trousers or snakeskin to complete my belt/bag combo.

For quality and staying power, go for Mary Quant, pounds 8, 3 Ives Street, London SW3, mail order and inquiries 0171-581 1811. For cheap thrills, try Stargazer, pounds 1.50, Ad Hoc, 38a Kensington High Street, London W8, or the Spectacular range, 55p, South Molton Street Drug Store, London W1.