The women of Torbay have much to learn. They are so unsteady on their high heels (admittedly only when drunk) that they are to be offered free flip-flops. Perhaps they should study Victoria Beckham. She totters down Bond Street and Rodeo Drive with skyscraper heels pinching her bunions, and never seems to stumble, turn her ankle, or feel even a twinge of pain.
But now we know her secret: her husband, David, is her Picture of Dorian Gray. Posh-watchers were tipped off last week by images of the family celebrating Thanksgiving as only the Beckhams can – by tripping around Central Park in New York with celebrity best pals Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
She wore back-breaking Christian Louboutin heels; he grimaced. Was this his penance for Rebecca Loos?
At least she has never attacked him with her six-inch spikes. Some women have very creative (or should that be destructive?) uses for high heels.
Heelarious is a range of high heels made for babies, at £19.99. Most girls find it hard enough to walk in heels, and that's way after they've learned to walk.
Don't heel over, girls
Police in Torbay, sick of girls getting drunk and falling over, are offering free flip-flops to teetering women. Torbay girls think: "great, now we candrink even more."
If Victoria Beckham's heels get any higher she'll need a ladder to get into them. Central Park ground staff were grateful for her scarifying the lawns, however.
Secretary Laura Cook, 29, was found guilty of assault with a stiletto after kicking a commuter in the face when he asked her boyfriend to take his feet off a train seat.