Trending: Getting to the bottom of the spa industry

Stop reading now if your beauty regime extends only to the bits people can see. For those truly devoted to inner radiance, a spa in Essex (where else?) has launched a new facial that promises to reinvigorate and rejuvenate your nether face – your bottom, that is. Exfoliating salt-scrub and detoxifying algae are applied to your seat, before a soothing masque (not one with eye holes) is placed on the problem area to boost circulation and firmness.

Citing Pippa Middleton and Keira Knightley as the inspirations behind the treatment (presumably just because they both have derrieres that people think about a lot), the "Booty Masque" is supposedly the next level of skincare.

If the people behind it are anything to go by, one side-effect of treating your bum like a face seems to be that you start talking out of it as well.