"I don't train. I'm reasonably healthy anyway, maybe a few pounds overweight. But if I'm playing a couple of times a week - five-a-side on Wednesday and eleven-a-side on Saturday - that keeps me pretty fit.
"I usually play midfield, the link man. Not much running about, which is the point. But I can still work up a pretty good sweat, and it isn't half good for cardiovascular stuff. Then I go and spoil it by heading down the pub for a couple of pints.
"I miss it if I don't play for a couple of weeks, especially with the kind of lifestyle I lead. I smoke a lot. It makes a massive difference doing some kind of sport that includes a decent social life. You need a reasonably healthy hobby, or you just end up working all the time. I'm 31. You get to your thirties, and your muscles wave a little white flag and suddenly you're a fat little bastard unless you do something."
Craig Charles's 'Live on Earth!' is available on video (pounds 12.99) and on audiobook (pounds 5.99).