No one left in Britain who can make a sandwich? How to make a sandwich – an explainer

I for one welcome our Hungarian sandwich-toting overlords

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Indy Lifestyle Online

The Daily Mail was appalled to find that a firm that produces sandwiches for Waitrose, M&S, Tesco and more were "forced" to recruit 300 staff from Hungary "HUNGARY" yesterday, its front page screaming "Is there no one left in Britain who can make a sandwich?"

The article seemed to argue that the British public deserves better than a sandwich made by a Hungarian person and that the apparently over-generous welfare system has created a nation of people who feel they are above making the snack.

So for all you loathsome, profligate sandwich-dodgers out there, here's how to make one:

  • Stop spending benefit money on parsnip crisps and Faberge eggs and cut two slices of bread.
  • Pause your 15-hour Call of Duty session and generously butter them.
  • Add a filling of your choice while thinking about how you can shirk work for the next 15 years and learn to sketch Jeremy Kyle's face from memory, probably.
  • Bring the two slices together in a bready union, and laugh in a sinister fashion as the country goes to the dogs and Hungary emerges as a sandwich-toting superpower.

Here's a few early attempts from other British wastrels: