Recipe: Pasta spells disaster

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Indy Lifestyle Online
THOSE OF YOU who enjoyed last week's Valencian paella - and that will not include anybody who tried to cook it - will be pleased to hear that our request for recipes or serving instructions translated to a similar standard did not go unanswered. Ann Garling of Foxton, Cambridgeshire, sent a recipe she has kept for the past 25 years, which makes the one for paella seem a model of clarity. Headed 'Important: Albadoro Cannelloni do not ought to boil', it reads as follows:

1. Bring in cannelloni, as they are, a stuffing maked with beef, eggs, cheese parmigiano, papper or spices, as you like, all well amalgamated ad juicy.

2. Besmear a backing-pan, previously buttered, with a good tomato-sauce and after, dispose the cannelloni, lightly distanced between them, in a only couch. At last, for a safe success in cooking, shed the remnant sauce, possibly diluted with broth, as far as to cover the surface of cannelloni.

3. Add puffs of butter and grated cheese, cover the backing-pan, and put her into the oven, previously warmed at 180/200 centigrade degrees above zero.

4. Cook for about an half of hour at the same temperature without to uncover the backing-pan and after, to help at table.

Among the other submissions was the English menu from a taverna in Piraeus. Prue Maxwell-Stewart of St Leonards, East Sussex, could not remember which delicacies were chosen, 'only that we all suffered terrible indigestion afterwards - which was probably due more to our state of hilarity than the food we ate'. Among the specials which appeared on the menu were:

Boiled Meats

Tander calf, Lambhead, Chicken, Brains salad, Calf's donge

Fish

Boiled pice fish, Boiled red-snapper head, Grilled porgies, Grilled gopes, Small suids stuffed, small fry

Various

Bird' wings hangarian style, Tender bowels stewed, Risoto bird-livers, Cheese in frying pan

The cheese board offered an impressive selection, including 'Bluo Dadish' and three varieties of yoghurt - 'in cups, in bag, of sheep'. The most frightening dish available was the 'Roast Bowels stuffed with Spleen', the most obscure a salad of 'Vlite', the most appealing a dessert called simply 'Pouting'.

Both Ann Garling and Prue Maxwell-Stewart win the recepi prize, of a paella pan 'La Barraca'. Please keep sending in instructions or menus with a foreign flavour to Recepi, Weekend, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB. Among next week's highlights will be Cockles in the Cataplana, partly translated from the original Portuguese.

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