The Saturday Miscellany: 'Auto-Hope'n'Change'; chuggers; how to get upgraded on a flight

 

The digested fad: The 'Auto-Hope'n'Change'

By Larry Ryan

You may be aware of "Damn You Auto Correct", a meme charting examples of when smartphones’ meddling predictive text systems throw awkward entendres into innocent conversations.

But some relaxed texters see it less a curse and more a crutch, happily relying on what we'll now call Auto Hope'n'Change (or "Auto hi and Chang").

Safe in the knowledge that the phone is going to fix things, one can misspell a word knowing that change is coming to the text.

But be warned, sometimes if you double down on your bad spelling expecting Auto Hope'n'Change to kick in, it can confuse the hell out of the phone and you end up with a line of govbledygkdb.

A brief opinion I hold

By Enjoli Liston

Guilt, confusion, outrage. This is the instant mood progression I experience when I'm approached, unsolicited, in the street. Invariably, the intrusion into my deepest thoughts ("Shall I have a sandwich for dinner?") involves the thrust of a scruffy leaflet, the face of a chugger, a hand in search of change.

My immediate but silent reaction is "GET OUT OF MY FACE!" And yet the response I deliver is a flustered "Sorry, no".

Recently, I have wondered why I am apologising. This person has encroached on me – why do I feel rude if I deny their demand?

I have thought about ignoring them. But then, I suppose I am now shoving my views in your faces, dear readers. So perhaps I should just keep apologising.

Enjoli Liston is Deputy World Editor of The Independent

How to: Get upgraded on a flight

By Luke Blackall

The chance to turn left when boarding a plane is what everyone in economy wishes for. Make that chance and wish happen with these tips.

As most of the seat jiggery-pokery happens late in the day, some advise turning up late to busy flights. But this is equivalent to going 'all in' in the high stakes world of plane poker, as getting bumped off the flight happens late on, too.

Don't try to bullshit your way to an upgrade, unless you are really, really good at BS. And if you are good at talking the talk, then surely you would have already conned someone into paying you enough to afford the upgrade in the first place.

Staff want a peaceful flight. If you're flying with a friend, consider faking a non-violent argument before take-off, then claim to staff that he or she is bullying you and ask to be moved. Swap roles on the way back.

Instant ethics

By Ellen E Jones

Dear Ellen

Q. I have a table at a fancy restaurant for my birthday but only for six. What should I tell the rest of my friends?

A. Invite your five foodiest friends, then organise something arguably more fun for everyone else. This makes it less about establishing a friendship hierarchy and more about matching the activity to the person.

@MsEllen E Jones

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