The Saturday Miscellany: 'Auto-Hope'n'Change'; chuggers; how to get upgraded on a flight

 

The digested fad: The 'Auto-Hope'n'Change'

By Larry Ryan

You may be aware of "Damn You Auto Correct", a meme charting examples of when smartphones’ meddling predictive text systems throw awkward entendres into innocent conversations.

But some relaxed texters see it less a curse and more a crutch, happily relying on what we'll now call Auto Hope'n'Change (or "Auto hi and Chang").

Safe in the knowledge that the phone is going to fix things, one can misspell a word knowing that change is coming to the text.

But be warned, sometimes if you double down on your bad spelling expecting Auto Hope'n'Change to kick in, it can confuse the hell out of the phone and you end up with a line of govbledygkdb.

A brief opinion I hold

By Enjoli Liston

Guilt, confusion, outrage. This is the instant mood progression I experience when I'm approached, unsolicited, in the street. Invariably, the intrusion into my deepest thoughts ("Shall I have a sandwich for dinner?") involves the thrust of a scruffy leaflet, the face of a chugger, a hand in search of change.

My immediate but silent reaction is "GET OUT OF MY FACE!" And yet the response I deliver is a flustered "Sorry, no".

Recently, I have wondered why I am apologising. This person has encroached on me – why do I feel rude if I deny their demand?

I have thought about ignoring them. But then, I suppose I am now shoving my views in your faces, dear readers. So perhaps I should just keep apologising.

Enjoli Liston is Deputy World Editor of The Independent

How to: Get upgraded on a flight

By Luke Blackall

The chance to turn left when boarding a plane is what everyone in economy wishes for. Make that chance and wish happen with these tips.

As most of the seat jiggery-pokery happens late in the day, some advise turning up late to busy flights. But this is equivalent to going 'all in' in the high stakes world of plane poker, as getting bumped off the flight happens late on, too.

Don't try to bullshit your way to an upgrade, unless you are really, really good at BS. And if you are good at talking the talk, then surely you would have already conned someone into paying you enough to afford the upgrade in the first place.

Staff want a peaceful flight. If you're flying with a friend, consider faking a non-violent argument before take-off, then claim to staff that he or she is bullying you and ask to be moved. Swap roles on the way back.

Instant ethics

By Ellen E Jones

Dear Ellen

Q. I have a table at a fancy restaurant for my birthday but only for six. What should I tell the rest of my friends?

A. Invite your five foodiest friends, then organise something arguably more fun for everyone else. This makes it less about establishing a friendship hierarchy and more about matching the activity to the person.

@MsEllen E Jones

Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
News
Keith Fraser says we should give Isis sympathises free flights to join Isis (AFP)
news
Life and Style
Google celebrates the 126th anniversary of the Eiffel Tower opening its doors to the public for the first time
techGoogle celebrates Paris's iconic landmark, which opened to the public 126 years ago today
News
Cleopatra the tortoise suffers from a painful disease that causes her shell to disintegrate; her new prosthetic one has been custom-made for her using 3D printing technology
newsCleopatra had been suffering from 'pyramiding'
News
people
Arts and Entertainment
Coachella and Lollapalooza festivals have both listed the selfie stick devices as “prohibited items”
music
Sport
Nigel Owens was targeted on Twitter because of his sexuality during the Six Nations finale between England and France earlier this month
rugbyReferee Nigel Owens on coming out, and homophobic Twitter abuse
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Gadgets & Tech

    Recruitment Genius: Senior Web Designer / Front End Developer

    £28000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast expanding web managem...

    Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey / South West London

    £22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

    Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey/ South West London

    £22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

    Ashdown Group: Recruitment Consultant / Account Manager - Surrey / SW London

    £40000 per annum + realistic targets: Ashdown Group: A thriving recruitment co...

    Day In a Page

    No postcode? No vote

    Floating voters

    How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
    Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

    By Reason of Insanity

    Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
    Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

    Power dressing is back

    But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
    Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

    Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

    Caves were re-opened to the public
    'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

    Vince Cable interview

    'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
    Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

    Promises, promises

    But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
    The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

    The death of a Gaza fisherman

    He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
    Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

    Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

    Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
    Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

    The only direction Zayn could go

    We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
    Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

    Spells like teen spirit

    A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
    Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

    If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

    British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
    Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

    Licence to offend in the land of the free

    Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
    From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

    From farm to fork in Cornwall

    One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
    Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

    Robert Parker interview

    The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
    Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

    Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

    We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor