give me an older man every time

Old enough to be her father? Oh yes please, says Louise Dickson

I'm so glad it's finally over between you and Will," my friend stated after a few drinks one night, "he was old enough to be your father." Of course he was, I almost screamed at her, he wouldn't be sexy and intelligent and worthy of my emotional attention if he wasn't.

Will made my heart beat faster and my knees weak when he was near me. Like one of those pathetic heroines in cheap romantic novels, when we kissed I wanted to melt - not bad for a man 18 years older than me who sometimes complained of being past it.

As far as I was concerned Will was to-die-for. At one point I believed he was my ideal man, mainly because I prefer men who are at least 10 years my senior and the nearer to the "20 years older" mark they are, the nearer they are to perfection. My thing for older men emerged when I was about 12 years old and a complete telly addict. All the film and TV stars were much more appealing when compared to the creepy humanoids I went to school with. I always knew men like Ilya Kuryakin (David McCallum in The Man from Uncle), and Sean Connery wouldn't pull my plaits or stop me from playing football just because I was a girl. Most of the older men I came into contact with in the real world seemed to have so much more respect for me than the teenagers I knew.

Thirteen years later it seems virtually impossible for me to attract or be attracted to a man my own age (25) who isn't gay, married or psychologically unstable. Men in their forties with silver streaked hair and the age-ripened confidence to admit you're attractive without looking close-to-death-by- embarrassment are an abundant commodity at the moment. In the past week alone I've met three such men who I've described to my friends as "shaggable". My friends have invariably replied: "Urghh, he's old enough ..." when I've pointed them out.

A psychologist friend actually told me I was exhibiting signs of Freud's Electra Complex, meaning that unconsciously I have such strong sexual and romantic fantasies about my father that I feel compelled to play them out over and over with men who are (you've guessed it...)

Who am I to argue with the theories of a genius like Mr Freud? Will is only seven years younger than my father and Will, like my father, wouldn't have been caught dead going to a night-club with me, but then I can't see my sensible father playing drums in a jazz band, or rolling a joint in the corner of a pub. My father doesn't punctuate every sentence with a profanity, or snog younger women in shop doorways. So Mr Freud was slightly wrong in my case.

When I pursue an older man I seek not another daddy but an adult. I like to think I've grown up and I want a man who will reaffirm this. Men my age are usually trying "to find who they are" or trying to get their careers started. An older man will have been there, done that and will have some stories that don't involve 27 pints and throwing up on the way home. I particularly like the idea of someone who will be a bit of a male Mrs Robinson when it comes to sex.

Admittedly there are drawbacks to dating older men. The night-club thing with Will was a problem because I love clubbing. I also try to avoid my friends meeting most of my older men because, for them, it would be like talking to their father or their boss. The biggest drawback is the patronising tone an older man will adopt if you disagree with him too often. "When you've grown up a bit more, you'll understand," one older man said when I refused to defer to his opinion on some political matter.

"Maybe I will," I replied frostily, "but at least I've got reason to be juvenile when someone disagrees with me."

But back to my friend who was "so glad" it was over between Will and me. What she was actually doing was defending the latest man - Mike - I'm seeing, only because he's 27 and she thinks, like a lot of my friends do, that I need a man my own age. Mike is very adoring and very nice but when I shout at him, he gets scared. When I tell him to do something, he does it without question. If he dares to answer back or start an argument, he's always the first to apologise. What my friends can't seem to understand is that older men usually have the arrogance and security of experience to stand up to me. So until men in their twenties and early thirties can get this right, I'm going to be always looking for the older, more experienced man. However, I have this feeling that when I hit the 40 mark, I'm going to be very unsatisfied with 50- and 60-year-old men. I'm pretty sure that by the time I get to that stage of my life, men in their thirties and twenties are going to look one hell of a lot more appealing.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Life and Style
love + sex
Arts and Entertainment
Victoria Wood, Kayvan Novak, Alexa Chung, Chris Moyles
tvReview: No soggy bottoms, but plenty of other baking disasters on The Great Comic Relief Bake Off
Ashley Young celebrates the winner for Manchester United against Newcastle
footballNewcastle 0 Man United 1: Last minute strike seals precious victory
Life and Style
Tikka Masala has been overtaken by Jalfrezi as the nation's most popular curry
food + drink
Arts and Entertainment
Seth Rogan is one of America’s most famous pot smokers
filmAmy Pascal resigned after her personal emails were leaked following a cyber-attack sparked by the actor's film The Interview
Benjamin Netanyahu and his cartoon bomb – the Israeli PM shows his ‘evidence’
Arts and Entertainment
80s trailblazer: comedian Tracey Ullman
Life and Style
A statue of the Flemish geographer Gerard Kremer, Geradus Mercator (1512 - 1594) which was unveiled at the Geographical Congree at Anvers. He was the first person to use the word atlas to describe a book of maps.
techThe 16th century cartographer created the atlas
Arts and Entertainment
Stephen Tompkinson is back as DCI Banks
tvReview: Episode one of the new series played it safe, but at least this drama has a winning formula
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: UI / UX Designer

    £25000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This firm are focussed on assis...

    Recruitment Genius: General Processor

    £7 per hour: Recruitment Genius: A vacancy has arisen for a General Processor ...

    Recruitment Genius: Outbound Sales Executive - B2B

    £18000 - £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A great opportunity has arisen ...

    Recruitment Genius: Online Sales and Customer Services Associate

    £14000 - £16000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Full time and Part time positio...

    Day In a Page

    War with Isis: Iraq's government fights to win back Tikrit from militants - but then what?

    Baghdad fights to win back Tikrit from Isis – but then what?

    Patrick Cockburn reports from Kirkuk on a conflict which sectarianism has made intractable
    Living with Alzheimer's: What is it really like to be diagnosed with early-onset dementia?

    What is it like to live with Alzheimer's?

    Depicting early-onset Alzheimer's, the film 'Still Alice' had a profound effect on Joy Watson, who lives with the illness. She tells Kate Hilpern how she's coped with the diagnosis
    The Internet of Things: Meet the British salesman who gave real-world items a virtual life

    Setting in motion the Internet of Things

    British salesman Kevin Ashton gave real-world items a virtual life
    Election 2015: Latest polling reveals Tories and Labour on course to win the same number of seats - with the SNP holding the balance of power

    Election 2015: A dead heat between Mr Bean and Dick Dastardly!

    Lord Ashcroft reveals latest polling – and which character voters associate with each leader
    Audiences queue up for 'true stories told live' as cult competition The Moth goes global

    Cult competition The Moth goes global

    The non-profit 'slam storytelling' competition was founded in 1997 by the novelist George Dawes Green and has seen Malcolm Gladwell, Salman Rushdie and Molly Ringwald all take their turn at the mic
    Pakistani women come out fighting: A hard-hitting play focuses on female Muslim boxers

    Pakistani women come out fighting

    Hard-hitting new play 'No Guts, No Heart, No Glory' focuses on female Muslim boxers
    Leonora Carrington transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star

    Surreal deal: Leonora Carrington

    The artist transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star
    LGBT History Month: Pupils discuss topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage

    Education: LGBT History Month

    Pupils have been discussing topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage
    11 best gel eyeliners

    Go bold this season: 11 best gel eyeliners

    Use an ink pot eyeliner to go bold on the eyes with this season's feline flicked winged liner
    Cricket World Cup 2015: Tournament runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

    Cricket World Cup runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

    The tournament has reached its halfway mark and scores of 300 and amazing catches abound. One thing never changes, though – everyone loves beating England
    Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Heptathlete ready to jump at first major title

    Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Ready to jump at first major title

    After her 2014 was ruined by injury, 21-year-old Briton is leading pentathlete going into this week’s European Indoors. Now she intends to turn form into gold
    Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

    Climate change key in Syrian conflict

    And it will trigger more war in future
    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
    Is this the way to get young people to vote?

    Getting young people to vote

    From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot