How to be happy: 'My love of sex makes me feel like a pervert'

Am I being unreasonable by wanting sex with my beautiful wife more than once a day? It makes her feel bad because she doesn't want to as often and I feel I must be perverted. In every other way our relationship is great. Angus.

Step 1: Be reassured

You are not perverted. You have a very energetic libido and it is naturally focussed on your gorgeous wife. Thinking of yourself as being a pervert places unnecessary pressure on your relationship. Sex, after all, is one of the most joyful and meaningful ways of expressing our love and is a vital ingredient in keeping our relationships emotionally connected and alive. The hormones secreted after orgasm include oxytocin which helps bond our relationship. It also makes us feel wonderful, releasing pleasure hormones that give us the most natural of highs, so it is not surprising that you want to make love as often as possible. A love of sex is both normal and healthy.

Step 2: Accept

Everyone, however, is different and the fact that your sexual desire surpasses that of your wife's is not unusual. Let go of the idea that you are being unreasonable and accept the reality that you enjoy sex and want lots of it. Acknowledging this truth about yourself – while also respecting your wife's wishes – will help you have a different dialogue with your internal judge who tells you that you are perverse. By respecting her unique sexuality you will help her relinquish the idea that she is somehow "bad" by not always giving you what you want. Accepting that you have different appetites will create a deeper understanding of your shared desires and bring you closer.

Step 3: Experiment

Remember that your libido is not confined to sex. Open up your curiosity about your own creativity and find other outlets for this most fundamental of drives. Also remember that closeness and intimacy can be generated in many ways other than sex. Have a frank conversation with your wife about how you can pleasure each other in ways that are non-sexual. Make sure you have time to unwind, so that there isn't pressure on either of you to perform in any way.

If you have any problems you would like Cecilia to address anonymously, email c.dfelice@independent.co.uk.

Cecilia is Mind journalist of the year