Life Support: How to apologise successfully

Avoid having to apologise

It is easy to fall out with people at Christmas, and not just with family members. From colleagues betraying each other when arranging the holiday rota, to friends bickering over the New Year's Eve festivities, and lovers exchanging disappointing presents, the opportunities for friction are endless. Ideally, this would rarely end in conflict (and if it did, it would be someone else's fault) but in reality, everyone occasionally finds themselves in the wrong. As it is best not to carry festering wounds and simmering resentments into the new year, sometimes there is nothing for it but to apologise.

Grovel

You don't have to fall to your knees in supplication, but make it clear that you are asking for their forgiveness, and that you care whether or not it is granted to you. The level of grovelling required depends on what you are apologising for. There is no need to go over the top when apologising for a small misdemeanour, such as breaking a friend's tea-cup, whereas crashing someone else's car will demand serious crawling.

Bide your time

Trying to apologise while still apoplectic with rage is asking for trouble, so wait until your blood pressure has returned to normal before attempting to bury the hatchet. This tactic has the added benefit that if you can hold out for long enough, the other person might even apologise to you first.

Explain

But don't make excuses. There is nothing wrong with explaining the circumstances that led up to you, say, sleeping with your best-friend's ex-boyfriend, but don't try to justify your actions. Similarly, don't use the apology as a springboard for round two of the initial argument. You are supposed to be saying sorry, not trotting out everything you wish you'd said when you initially fell out.

Be persistent

If you have done something really bad, be prepared for the fact that your apology might not be accepted. In some circumstances, "Sorry" does sound inadequate, but it's all you've got, so keep going. Repeating the word can increase the impact of your apology, as can coupling it with big, expensive gestures. Flowers are a popular choice, and humiliating yourself in public also works well.

Forgive yourself

If you've apologised and tried to make amends but it has fallen flat, then there is nothing you can do but learn from your mistakes and move on. Guilt is a negative emotion, so don't hold on to it.

Private Medical Cover from £30 per month with Independent Compare