After five rings and 30 seconds of Vivaldi, a woman answers
Whiskas: Hello, Whiskas Kitten Care Line, can I help you?
IoS: Do you have a kitten nutritionalist?
W: Yes, hold on. I'll put you through. Can I have your name first?
IoS: Why do you want my name?
W: We have to log the call, sir.
IoS: No, I'm sorry I don't want to give it to you ... [more Vivaldi]
W: Hello, can I help?
IoS: Is that a nutritionalist? My mum's kitten keeps being sick when she eats Whiskas. What should we do?
W: How do you mean being sick?
IoS: Well, you know, throwing up, vomiting. It's after every can of Whiskas.
W: I don't think it's the food, all our products are carefully tested. Is she feeding it anything else?
IoS: No, I don't think so.
W: The best thing to do would be to change the diet. We produce a Feline- Selected Protein - you can get it from your vet. It's chicken and rice- based.
IoS: I think it might be the brand that's the problem. Can you recommend another?
W: Well, there are others but from a company point of view I can't endorse anyone else's product.
IoS: But I thought this was a general information line. It sounds like it's just for Whiskas products?
W: You're asking for my advice and I recommend the Feline-Selected Protein. Could I have your name please?
IoS: So you can't tell me any other cat foods I could try?
W: You're asking for my advice and I recommend our Feline-Selected Protein. Can I have your name please?
IoS: No, I don't want to give you my name. I'm not a very public person.
W: It's not very public to give me your name is it?
COCA COLA & SCHWEPPES BEVERAGES INFORMATION LINE: 0800 227711
Coca-Cola: Hello, can I help you?
IoS: Hi, I'm a bit worried because I had three cans of Diet Coke yesterday and felt really dizzy. Is there a maximum number of cans I can drink in a day?
CC: Just let me find the information. I don't think it will be the drink sir. It's probably something else in your diet. Here we are ... "a 10-and- a-half stone person can drink ... the equivalent of 18 cans a day", so you're way out with your three.
IoS: 18 cans a day! Really?
W: Yes. You've got to have a steady intake of liquid into your body each day, so why not use Coke and enjoy yourself while you're at it.
IoS: Do you think it could be the caffeine because too much of that is not good for you is it?
CC: No, sir, there's nothing in any of our products that could do you any harm.
IoS: Well, my doctor said it could be the Coke because it's really bad for you.
CC: No, sir, it's not bad for you. We wouldn't sell anything that could hurt people. As long as you brush your teeth at night it won't even hurt them.
IoS: Does it stay in the can for months on end, I thought that might make it go off.
CC: No. Each can has a shelf-life of six months.
IoS: Should I start drinking Pepsi instead? Might that suit me better?
CC: [long pause] I can't ... It's your ... You're the consumer, sir and I can't advise you what to buy. It's up to you.
IoS: But is it true that Pepsi's better for you than Coke?
CC: [pause] As I said, you're the consumer, sir. I can't advise you what to buy. It's your choice.
IoS: You wouldn't tell me to buy another make, like Pepsi?
CC: No, it's up to you, sir.Reuse content