Human Condition: A naughty New Year...

For some energetic folk, New Year's Eve is an excuse for positively Bacchanalian excess. Michelle Olley, formerly of fetish mag 'Skin Two', reveals all

So, what are you doing New Year's Eve? Opting out in front of the TV with the last of the mince pies? Perish the thought! This is your last chance to party before months of work, cold weather, dieting and exercise - don't you owe it to yourself to go a little crazy one last time this holiday? Maybe get a little saucy, too? It's the perfect evening for it...

On New Year's Eve, you may want to be with your friends, but spending the final minutes of the year squashed on a dance floor with a bunch of strangers has its advantages, if they are cute. You can be a bit cheeky when the clock strikes - any lust object you lunge for is bound to reciprocate, it would be churlish not to.

Lots of midnight disco kisses go some way beyond a peck on the cheek, some turning into toilet encounters of the third kind, though not many people, my enquiries suggest, go home with someone they met in the first minutes of the new year - their auld acquaintances usually drag them off into that Nineties netherworld of after-parties, late-night drinking dens and "chill outs". Maybe people are just too busy running around snogging each other to actually chat each other up properly.

But there are exceptions. Neil, an old friend, once picked a guy up in Heaven on New Year's Eve. They went back to Neil's, did the business, then the guy fell asleep. Neil, still full of energy, decided he'd actually rather be with his friends, so, at 4am he left the flat, locking the door behind him, and went to a chill out a couple of miles away. He was having a lovely time until, around midday, he remembered the guy locked in his flat. When he got home, his flatmate was somewhat bemused to report that he had opened the door that morning to to find a strange, startled man behind it who made a run for it, sharpish. Not your typical case of New Year's gay abandon...

Fetish clubs are cute at this time of year. Last year's mini-Submission party saw many of the scene's die-hards dropping their usual kinky cool act and, come midnight, running round the dance floor, kissing every slave, mistress, tranny and fashion bunny around. Snogging and S&M? Whatever next? They are normally a bit coy, the fetish lot. Eyes do occasionally meet across a crowded dungeon, but despite the raunchy gear, and the occasional public spanking, it's more of a socialising scene.

But saucy nonsense can still happen. I remember one New Year fetish club where toilet sex became something of an Olympic sport. A guy and girl, who shall remain nameless, decided to lay in wait in a toilet cubicle for any unsuspecting but willing flesh that should pass by, luring them in with the promise of boy/girl titillation, piercings to jingle and strawberry- flavoured condoms.

At one point there were five of them in there - one on the bowl, one on the cistern and three wriggling, giggling and jingling around them - and they still peered over the next cubicle to ask a startled woman if she'd like to join them. It was, as the instigator put it, "Like one of those student games where you try to get as many people as you can into a Mini. I didn't know who was doing what to whom, frankly, but it was great!" When they finally fell out of there, clothes in disarray, one girl with her red plastic dress still pushed above her waist, knickers a distant memory, it was only to run back into the club and find more recruits.

But it's at house parties where flirty, dirty fun comes into its own, especially with the fetish crowd. It was at a New Year's Eve house party that I first saw someone get fisted (I stumbled into the 'scene' - but they were very cool about it), and that a nice lady showed me what silicone boobs felt like (hard, weird and kind of floaty).

This year, some friends of mine are throwing a Splosh! party. Splosh is a speciality magazine for "lovers of messy fun" - custard pies, food fights and the like. The plan is to install a large paddling pool in one room for same-sex mud-wrestling (the winner will be the first one to pull off their opponent's pants). Guests, I suspect, will be expected to wear something waterproof. Can't wait! Now, if I could just find a pair of high-heeled wellies in the sales...

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebooksA superb mix of recipes serving up the freshest of local produce in a delicious range of styles
Life and Style
ebooksFrom the lifespan of a slug to the distance to the Sun: answers to 500 questions from readers
Sport
Wembley Stadium
footballNews follows deal with Germany
Arts and Entertainment
A spell in the sun: Emma Stone and Colin Firth star in ‘Magic in the Moonlight’
filmReview: Magic In The Moonlight
Voices
voicesApple continually kill off smaller app developers, and that's no good for anyone
Sport
A 'Sir Alex Feguson' tattoo
football

Arts and Entertainment
Ben Whishaw is replacing Colin Firth as the voice of Paddington Bear
tv

Thriller is set in the secret world of British espionage

Life and Style
life

News
ScienceGallery: Otherwise known as 'the best damn photos of space you'll see till 2015'
Life and Style
fashion

Bomber jacket worn by Mary Berry sells out within an hour

Life and Style
tech
Sport
Andros Townsend is challenged by Vladimir Volkov
football
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    English Teacher

    £110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: English Teachers with QTS nee...

    Maths Teacher

    £110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: QTS Maths Teachers needed for...

    Science Teacher

    £110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: Science Teachers needed for s...

    Geography Teacher

    £110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: Geography Teachers needed tha...

    Day In a Page

    Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

    A shot in the dark

    Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
    His life, the universe and everything

    His life, the universe and everything

    New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
    Save us from small screen superheroes

    Save us from small screen superheroes

    Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
    Reach for the skies

    Reach for the skies

    From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
    These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

    12 best hotel spas in the UK

    Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
    These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

    Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

    Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
    Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

    Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

    Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
    How to make a Lego masterpiece

    How to make a Lego masterpiece

    Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
    Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

    Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

    Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
    Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

    Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

    His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam
    'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

    'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

    Exclusive extract from Janis Winehouse's poignant new memoir
    Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

    Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

    The Imitation Game, film review
    England and Roy Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption in Basel

    England and Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption

    Welbeck double puts England on the road to Euro 2016
    Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

    Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

    Pictures removed from public view as courts decide ownership
    ‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

    ‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

    Donatella Versace at New York Fashion Week