Human Condition: A naughty New Year...

For some energetic folk, New Year's Eve is an excuse for positively Bacchanalian excess. Michelle Olley, formerly of fetish mag 'Skin Two', reveals all

So, what are you doing New Year's Eve? Opting out in front of the TV with the last of the mince pies? Perish the thought! This is your last chance to party before months of work, cold weather, dieting and exercise - don't you owe it to yourself to go a little crazy one last time this holiday? Maybe get a little saucy, too? It's the perfect evening for it...

On New Year's Eve, you may want to be with your friends, but spending the final minutes of the year squashed on a dance floor with a bunch of strangers has its advantages, if they are cute. You can be a bit cheeky when the clock strikes - any lust object you lunge for is bound to reciprocate, it would be churlish not to.

Lots of midnight disco kisses go some way beyond a peck on the cheek, some turning into toilet encounters of the third kind, though not many people, my enquiries suggest, go home with someone they met in the first minutes of the new year - their auld acquaintances usually drag them off into that Nineties netherworld of after-parties, late-night drinking dens and "chill outs". Maybe people are just too busy running around snogging each other to actually chat each other up properly.

But there are exceptions. Neil, an old friend, once picked a guy up in Heaven on New Year's Eve. They went back to Neil's, did the business, then the guy fell asleep. Neil, still full of energy, decided he'd actually rather be with his friends, so, at 4am he left the flat, locking the door behind him, and went to a chill out a couple of miles away. He was having a lovely time until, around midday, he remembered the guy locked in his flat. When he got home, his flatmate was somewhat bemused to report that he had opened the door that morning to to find a strange, startled man behind it who made a run for it, sharpish. Not your typical case of New Year's gay abandon...

Fetish clubs are cute at this time of year. Last year's mini-Submission party saw many of the scene's die-hards dropping their usual kinky cool act and, come midnight, running round the dance floor, kissing every slave, mistress, tranny and fashion bunny around. Snogging and S&M? Whatever next? They are normally a bit coy, the fetish lot. Eyes do occasionally meet across a crowded dungeon, but despite the raunchy gear, and the occasional public spanking, it's more of a socialising scene.

But saucy nonsense can still happen. I remember one New Year fetish club where toilet sex became something of an Olympic sport. A guy and girl, who shall remain nameless, decided to lay in wait in a toilet cubicle for any unsuspecting but willing flesh that should pass by, luring them in with the promise of boy/girl titillation, piercings to jingle and strawberry- flavoured condoms.

At one point there were five of them in there - one on the bowl, one on the cistern and three wriggling, giggling and jingling around them - and they still peered over the next cubicle to ask a startled woman if she'd like to join them. It was, as the instigator put it, "Like one of those student games where you try to get as many people as you can into a Mini. I didn't know who was doing what to whom, frankly, but it was great!" When they finally fell out of there, clothes in disarray, one girl with her red plastic dress still pushed above her waist, knickers a distant memory, it was only to run back into the club and find more recruits.

But it's at house parties where flirty, dirty fun comes into its own, especially with the fetish crowd. It was at a New Year's Eve house party that I first saw someone get fisted (I stumbled into the 'scene' - but they were very cool about it), and that a nice lady showed me what silicone boobs felt like (hard, weird and kind of floaty).

This year, some friends of mine are throwing a Splosh! party. Splosh is a speciality magazine for "lovers of messy fun" - custard pies, food fights and the like. The plan is to install a large paddling pool in one room for same-sex mud-wrestling (the winner will be the first one to pull off their opponent's pants). Guests, I suspect, will be expected to wear something waterproof. Can't wait! Now, if I could just find a pair of high-heeled wellies in the sales...

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

SPONSORED FEATURES

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Vehicle Accessory Fitter

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: Vehicle Accessory Fitter required. Bristol

    Recruitment Genius: Outbound Telesales Advisor - OTE £30,000

    £14000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is very proud of t...

    Recruitment Genius: Head of Sales

    £75000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The Head of Sales position is offered on...

    East15 Acting School: Finance and Contracts Officer

    £20,781 to £24,057 per annum: East15 Acting School: The post involves general ...

    Day In a Page

    Turkey-Kurdish conflict: Obama's deal with Ankara is a betrayal of Syrian Kurds and may not even weaken Isis

    US betrayal of old ally brings limited reward

    Since the accord, the Turks have only waged war on Kurds while no US bomber has used Incirlik airbase, says Patrick Cockburn
    VIPs gather for opening of second Suez Canal - but doubts linger over security

    'A gift from Egypt to the rest of the world'

    VIPs gather for opening of second Suez Canal - but is it really needed?
    Jeremy Corbyn dresses abysmally. That's a great thing because it's genuine

    Jeremy Corbyn dresses abysmally. That's a great thing because it's genuine

    Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, applauds a man who clearly has more important things on his mind
    The male menopause and intimations of mortality

    Aches, pains and an inkling of mortality

    So the male menopause is real, they say, but what would the Victorians, 'old' at 30, think of that, asks DJ Taylor
    Man Booker Prize 2015: Anna Smaill - How can I possibly be on the list with these writers I have idolised?

    'How can I possibly be on the list with these writers I have idolised?'

    Man Booker Prize nominee Anna Smaill on the rise of Kiwi lit
    Bettany Hughes interview: The historian on how Socrates would have solved Greece's problems

    Bettany Hughes interview

    The historian on how Socrates would have solved Greece's problems
    Art of the state: Pyongyang propaganda posters to be exhibited in China

    Art of the state

    Pyongyang propaganda posters to be exhibited in China
    Mildreds and Vanilla Black have given vegetarian food a makeover in new cookbooks

    Vegetarian food gets a makeover

    Long-time vegetarian Holly Williams tries to recreate some of the inventive recipes in Mildreds and Vanilla Black's new cookbooks
    The haunting of Shirley Jackson: Was the gothic author's life really as bleak as her fiction?

    The haunting of Shirley Jackson

    Was the gothic author's life really as bleak as her fiction?
    Bill Granger recipes: Heading off on holiday? Try out our chef's seaside-inspired dishes...

    Bill Granger's seaside-inspired recipes

    These dishes are so easy to make, our chef is almost embarrassed to call them recipes
    Ashes 2015: Tourists are limp, leaderless and distinctly UnAustralian

    Tourists are limp, leaderless and distinctly UnAustralian

    A woefully out-of-form Michael Clarke embodies his team's fragile Ashes campaign, says Michael Calvin
    Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza

    Andrew Grice: Inside Westminster

    Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza
    HMS Victory: The mystery of Britain's worst naval disaster is finally solved - 271 years later

    The mystery of Britain's worst naval disaster is finally solved - 271 years later

    Exclusive: David Keys reveals the research that finally explains why HMS Victory went down with the loss of 1,100 lives
    Survivors of the Nagasaki atomic bomb attack: Japan must not abandon its post-war pacifism

    'I saw people so injured you couldn't tell if they were dead or alive'

    Nagasaki survivors on why Japan must not abandon its post-war pacifism
    Jon Stewart: The voice of Democrats who felt Obama had failed to deliver on his 'Yes We Can' slogan, and the voter he tried hardest to keep onside

    The voter Obama tried hardest to keep onside

    Outgoing The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart, became the voice of Democrats who felt the President had failed to deliver on his ‘Yes We Can’ slogan. Tim Walker charts the ups and downs of their 10-year relationship on screen