i wish they would ...

Debbie Barham suggests how the great and the good could make themselves even greater and better in 1998.

I will lose some of those excess pounds - Geoffrey Robinson

I will not leave the table before everyone else has finished - Gerry Adams

I will keep a diary every day

- Alan Clark

I will wear the same shirt for more than one week running

- Manchester United players

I will stop making such a song and dance out of trivial things

- Lord Lloyd-Webber

I will stop parking in disabled parking spaces - Harriet Harman

I will stop being horrible to the cat

- Cherie Booth

I will stop picking my nose (from mail-order catalogues)

- Michael Jackson

I will take up a sport of some kind

- Tottenham Hotspur football team

I will finally get around to putting those shelves up

- head builder, British Library restoration project

I will try to get out more

- anonymous INLA member, speaking from top security jail

I will try to get out less

- Mike Atherton

I will be more decisive. Perhaps

- Paddy Ashdown

I will learn to drive - Damon Hill

I will spend more time away from the TV - Richard and Judy

I will stop finishing other people's sentences

- Judge Hiller Zobel

I will buy at least one mind-expanding book - David Blunkett's commitment to 1998 education funding

I will behave more like an individual - memo: from Peter Mandelson, to: all Whitehall personnel, re: New Year's Resolutions (urgent)

I will stop treating people with sarcasm - yeah RIGHT - Jeremy Paxman

I will start acting my age

- Joan Collins, accepting a part in 'Return of the Living Dead'

I will give more time to the kids

- Jack Straw, on sentencing plans for young offenders

If I win the lottery I will not let it change my lifestyle

- Richard Branson

I will give more money to good causes - Chris Smith, Heritage Secretary

I will completely cut out red meat

- Jack Cunningham

I will try to make my demands clear - the Inland Revenue

I will stop talking on the job

- Chris Evans

I will have a good spring-clean

- ethnic-cleansing groups in Afghanistan

I will stop interfering with other people's business - Bill Gates

I will not shout at people

- The Rev Ian Paisley

I will conquer my fear of appearing in public - Channel Five

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

SPONSORED FEATURES

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Personal Tax Senior

    £28000 - £37000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an opportunity to join ...

    Recruitment Genius: Customer and Markets Development Executive

    £22000 - £29000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company's mission is to ma...

    Recruitment Genius: Guest Services Assistant

    £13832 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This 5 star leisure destination on the w...

    Recruitment Genius: Sales Account Manager

    £20000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Sales Account Manager is requ...

    Day In a Page

    Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition

    Orthorexia nervosa

    How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
    Lady Chatterley is not obscene, says TV director

    Lady Chatterley’s Lover

    Director Jed Mercurio on why DH Lawrence's novel 'is not an obscene story'
    Farmers in tropical forests are training ants to kill off bigger pests

    Set a pest to catch a pest

    Farmers in tropical forests are training ants to kill off bigger pests
    Mexico: A culture that celebrates darkness as an essential part of life

    The dark side of Mexico

    A culture that celebrates darkness as an essential part of life
    Being sexually assaulted was not your fault, Chrissie Hynde. Don't tell other victims it was theirs

    Being sexually assaulted was not your fault, Chrissie Hynde

    Please don't tell other victims it was theirs
    A nap a day could save your life - and here's why

    A nap a day could save your life

    A midday nap is 'associated with reduced blood pressure'
    If men are so obsessed by sex, why do they clam up when confronted with the grisly realities?

    If men are so obsessed by sex...

    ...why do they clam up when confronted with the grisly realities?
    The comedy titans of Avalon on their attempt to save BBC3

    Jon Thoday and Richard Allen-Turner

    The comedy titans of Avalon on their attempt to save BBC3
    The bathing machine is back... but with a difference

    Rolling in the deep

    The bathing machine is back but with a difference
    Part-privatised tests, new age limits, driverless cars: Tories plot motoring revolution

    Conservatives plot a motoring revolution

    Draft report reveals biggest reform to regulations since driving test introduced in 1935
    The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

    The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

    Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
    House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

    The honours that shame Britain

    Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
    When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

    'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

    Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
    International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

    International Tap Festival comes to the UK

    Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
    War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

    Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

    Ankara accused of exacerbating racial division by allowing Turkmen minority to cross the border