i wish they would ...

Debbie Barham suggests how the great and the good could make themselves even greater and better in 1998.

I will lose some of those excess pounds - Geoffrey Robinson

I will not leave the table before everyone else has finished - Gerry Adams

I will keep a diary every day

- Alan Clark

I will wear the same shirt for more than one week running

- Manchester United players

I will stop making such a song and dance out of trivial things

- Lord Lloyd-Webber

I will stop parking in disabled parking spaces - Harriet Harman

I will stop being horrible to the cat

- Cherie Booth

I will stop picking my nose (from mail-order catalogues)

- Michael Jackson

I will take up a sport of some kind

- Tottenham Hotspur football team

I will finally get around to putting those shelves up

- head builder, British Library restoration project

I will try to get out more

- anonymous INLA member, speaking from top security jail

I will try to get out less

- Mike Atherton

I will be more decisive. Perhaps

- Paddy Ashdown

I will learn to drive - Damon Hill

I will spend more time away from the TV - Richard and Judy

I will stop finishing other people's sentences

- Judge Hiller Zobel

I will buy at least one mind-expanding book - David Blunkett's commitment to 1998 education funding

I will behave more like an individual - memo: from Peter Mandelson, to: all Whitehall personnel, re: New Year's Resolutions (urgent)

I will stop treating people with sarcasm - yeah RIGHT - Jeremy Paxman

I will start acting my age

- Joan Collins, accepting a part in 'Return of the Living Dead'

I will give more time to the kids

- Jack Straw, on sentencing plans for young offenders

If I win the lottery I will not let it change my lifestyle

- Richard Branson

I will give more money to good causes - Chris Smith, Heritage Secretary

I will completely cut out red meat

- Jack Cunningham

I will try to make my demands clear - the Inland Revenue

I will stop talking on the job

- Chris Evans

I will have a good spring-clean

- ethnic-cleansing groups in Afghanistan

I will stop interfering with other people's business - Bill Gates

I will not shout at people

- The Rev Ian Paisley

I will conquer my fear of appearing in public - Channel Five

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
Arts and Entertainment
Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey
film
Sport
Bafetibis Gomis of Swansea City is stretchered off at White Hart Lane
football
News
Jerry Seinfeld Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
peopleSitcom star urges men to be more supportive of women than ever
Life and Style
Living for the moment: Julianne Moore playing Alzheimer’s sufferer Alice
health
News
Jay Z
businessJay-Z's bid for Spotify rival could be blocked
Sport
footballLouis van Gaal is watching a different Manchester United and Wenger can still spring a surprise
News
The spider makes its break for freedom
VIDEO
Voices
A propaganda video shows Isis forces near Tikrit
voicesAdam Walker: The Koran has violent passages, but it also has others that explicitly tells us how to interpret them
Arts and Entertainment
books
News
people
Sport
Ashley Young celebrates the winner for Manchester United against Newcastle
footballNewcastle v United player ratings
Life and Style
love + sex
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Recruitment Genius: Media Sales Executive - PR and Broadcast - OTE £35,000

    £16000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company has an exciting op...

    Recruitment Genius: Customer Service Advisor - Shifts

    £17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This European market leader for security...

    Recruitment Genius: Freelance AutoCAD Technician

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Freelance AutoCAD Technician is required to ...

    Recruitment Genius: Sales Order Processor

    £17000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This European market leader for security...

    Day In a Page

    War with Isis: Iraq's government fights to win back Tikrit from militants - but then what?

    Baghdad fights to win back Tikrit from Isis – but then what?

    Patrick Cockburn reports from Kirkuk on a conflict which sectarianism has made intractable
    Living with Alzheimer's: What is it really like to be diagnosed with early-onset dementia?

    What is it like to live with Alzheimer's?

    Depicting early-onset Alzheimer's, the film 'Still Alice' had a profound effect on Joy Watson, who lives with the illness. She tells Kate Hilpern how she's coped with the diagnosis
    The Internet of Things: Meet the British salesman who gave real-world items a virtual life

    Setting in motion the Internet of Things

    British salesman Kevin Ashton gave real-world items a virtual life
    Election 2015: Latest polling reveals Tories and Labour on course to win the same number of seats - with the SNP holding the balance of power

    Election 2015: A dead heat between Mr Bean and Dick Dastardly!

    Lord Ashcroft reveals latest polling – and which character voters associate with each leader
    Audiences queue up for 'true stories told live' as cult competition The Moth goes global

    Cult competition The Moth goes global

    The non-profit 'slam storytelling' competition was founded in 1997 by the novelist George Dawes Green and has seen Malcolm Gladwell, Salman Rushdie and Molly Ringwald all take their turn at the mic
    Pakistani women come out fighting: A hard-hitting play focuses on female Muslim boxers

    Pakistani women come out fighting

    Hard-hitting new play 'No Guts, No Heart, No Glory' focuses on female Muslim boxers
    Leonora Carrington transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star

    Surreal deal: Leonora Carrington

    The artist transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star
    LGBT History Month: Pupils discuss topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage

    Education: LGBT History Month

    Pupils have been discussing topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage
    11 best gel eyeliners

    Go bold this season: 11 best gel eyeliners

    Use an ink pot eyeliner to go bold on the eyes with this season's feline flicked winged liner
    Cricket World Cup 2015: Tournament runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

    Cricket World Cup runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

    The tournament has reached its halfway mark and scores of 300 and amazing catches abound. One thing never changes, though – everyone loves beating England
    Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Heptathlete ready to jump at first major title

    Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Ready to jump at first major title

    After her 2014 was ruined by injury, 21-year-old Briton is leading pentathlete going into this week’s European Indoors. Now she intends to turn form into gold
    Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

    Climate change key in Syrian conflict

    And it will trigger more war in future
    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    How I outwitted the Gestapo

    My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    The nation's favourite animal revealed

    Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
    Is this the way to get young people to vote?

    Getting young people to vote

    From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot