Friday 27 February 1998
The week before, they'd had a birthday party for their three-year-old. Not only did the Schwarzeneggers, the Beattys and the De Vitos come with their kids, so did $5,000 worth of catering, a circus-load of clowns, three magicians, a real-life "Woody" and a bumpy castle.
It's always fascinating to know how the other half live, and Hannah offers tremendous insight. Her boss is a big movie producer. You would probably know his name, so I dare not mention it for fear of getting Hannah the sack. Anyway, he's married to a blonde socialite who shops all day, and they have three children who they never see because it's easier to leave them to Hannah and their two secretaries, two maids and a housekeeper. They also find it easier to dose them with Ridolin, the tranquillising drug that's supposed to help attention deficit disorder.
With their two beach houses in Malibu and an eight-bedroom mansion in Brentwood, they're up there in the starriest stratosphere of LA society. The family leads a lifestyle that most of us thought existed only in the movies.
As one of those humbler few, it's easy to bitch about them, but the more I've heard about this family, the more I've come to pity them.
Every night their middle son asks for Hannah to kiss him goodnight, not his workaholic daddy, nor his fashionable mummy, whose idea of a treat is to drag him to the shops. Every week their daughter throws a tantrum in a desperate attempt to get some parental attention; every day the three- year-old launches himself through his mother's study door, to be immediately returned to Hannah's charge.
When Hannah tries to take them to the movies, there's nothing they haven't seen; when she takes them to the toyshop, there's nothing they don't already have. When she tells them they'll be flying off somewhere, they ask which jet they'll be going in. And when she takes them to the park, or spends time with them in the pool, their joy at having anyone take an interest in them is heartbreaking.
"All they want is some attention," I've heard Hannah say so often, I'm tempted to call them up myself. "If their mum took them to the zoo just once, she'd get to see so much more than tantrums."
They say that when the antics of Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest herself, were made into a movie, the lot of Hollywood kids improved. I wonder whether the film deserves a re-release.
Life & Style blogs
Israel-Gaza conflict: The secret report that helps Israelis to hide facts
A day in the life of Vladimir Putin: The dictator in his labyrinth
Opponents of Israel's military operation in Gaza are the real enemies of Middle Eastern peace
Were 'Poor Doors' added to mixed developments so wealthy residents don't have to go in alongside social housing tenants?
Arizona execution lasts two hours as killer Joseph Wood left 'snorting and gasping' for air
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Massive rise in sale of British arms to Russia
- 1 If you weren't afraid of flying before last week... you probably are now
- 2 Israel-Gaza conflict: The secret report that helps Israelis to hide facts
- 3 Students offered grants if they tweet pro-Israeli propaganda
- 4 Lauren Goodger calls for tougher laws on revenge porn after sex tape leaks online
- 5 Iraq crisis: End 'very near' for Christianity after Isis takeover, says Bishop
£30000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A highly reputable software house is looking ...
£40000 - £45000 per annum: Ashdown Group: An established professional services...
Highly Attractive Salary: Austen Lloyd: CITY - SENIOR COMMERCIAL LITIGATION SO...
£35000 - £40000 per annum + competitive: Progressive Recruitment: My client is...