Sometimes it actually is them not you

Breaking up with someone is never easy. Do you tell them the truth, break it to them softly or make up a lie to spare their feelings?

You often know when you’ve been given a line, but that can leave you wondering what the real reason for the break up was.

Now, people are revealing what what they said when they broke up with their partners vs what they really meant.

Of course, clichés are clichés for a reason.

“I told them it was me, not them,” one person explained in the Reddit discussion.

“It was them.”

Sometimes it really is them. Much like although people often say they’re not ready for a committed relationship, the reason is more often than not that they’re just not ready to commit to that person.

“She was very nice, but very boring,” one man explained, after admitting he’d told his girlfriend he wasn’t ready for commitment. “No curiosity, no interests, no desire to go out and explore. Just a completely passionless jellyfish who collapsed and gave in at every disagreement. 

“She was as bland as oatmeal and just agreed with every random opinion I had that popped into my head instead of forming her own. I can't date someone without a personality!”

Being truthful would’ve been brutal.

Sometimes, it’s easier to say your focus is elsewhere, as one person did: 

“Reason I gave: I wasn't ready for a relationship, I wanted to focus on school/work and it wasn't fair to him if those things took up all my time.

But really, lying can sometimes be necessary to protect yourself. 

“Real reason: In our first month of dating he showed a LOT of red flags for potentially being abusive, very manipulative, very coercive,” she said. “I was honestly scared of what he'd do if I gave him the real answer.”

And she wasn’t the only one who’d been in a situation like that. 

One woman explained that she told her boyfriend she was breaking up with him because she was going away to uni and wanted to be single there, but the truth was that he was manipulative, had convinced her he was suicidal and she had been terrified to end it with him for months. 

Often, people twist the break-up, saying that their partner deserves better. 

“I told her I was no good for her,” one man said. “But the real reason was that she was getting too serious and I wasn't. She told me she wanted me to be the last relationship she ever had. I knew breaking up would be harder later rather than sooner, so I ended it.”

After all, it’s better to have happy memories of a short relationship than painful, sad ones of a long relationship that lasted well past its expiry date.

Sometimes, the reason is petty, brutal and a little embarrassing, and that can prompt people to lie, as one guy did:

“She had really bad breath. I told her I was getting back together with an ex.”